Always
by radbananas
Summary: AU;Eventual Smut!; In a matter of minutes Katniss Everdeen's world is turned up down when there in an outbreak in her country of Panem. She knows what she has to do, find Prim and keep her alive at all costs, but when she groups up with the boy with bread, things change. Will they survive?
1. Chapter 1

I wake at the crack of dawn, my throat raw. I've been screaming in my sleep, again. I look to my right and see her sound asleep. Prim, my little sister, my whole entire world. I glance towards the clock and sigh, 5:02 am. No more sleep for me. I drag my legs out from under the covers and almost cry out at how cold it is, I begin to creep over to Prim with my blanket in hand and wrap it around her tightly before I head out to the kitchen. I find my mother sitting at the table, staring blankly at her hands. I begin to shake her, and find no response. My stomach drops. _She's done it again._ I rush over to the garbage and begin digging and find what I was looking for. _A used needle._ Before I can stop myself, I'm yelling.

"You're using again?"

I freeze when I hear little feet padding across the cold tile floor. I turn to see my sweet Prim with my blanket still wrapped around her, looking anxiously between me and our mother. I instantly drop to my knees at her innocent startled face and open my arms to comfort her.

"It's okay, I didn't mean to scare you. Everything's okay in here, okay little duck? Go get washed up. I'm making your favorite." She nods before she hurries off back into the room.

An hour later and her scared face is gone, and she is nothing but smiles as she dives into her first pancake, dripping syrup all over her shirt. I smile knowing how hungry she was, it's been at least 3 days since she has had a full meal, my stomach growls viciously telling me it's been longer than 3 days for me. I push a plate of pancakes in front of my mother before I take a plate of my own, and practically inhale mine. When we're finished, I'm surprised when my mother stands up and begins washing the dishes. I move to her side to help her, but she pushes my hands away.

"Where did you get the money for these pancakes?" she snaps at me.

"Gale got a job at the gas station around the corner, he said he had already gotten groceries for his family and gave me the money to get what we needed."

"We don't need his help. Go get dressed, you're going to be late for school."

I look down at my feet and retreat to my room, and change quickly into my school uniform. A simple green shirt, and khaki pants. I slip my boots on, and grab my brown leather jacket quickly shrugging it on. I frown inwardly because I know what's next. I finally look straight ahead, and see two green eyes staring back at me. _My own eyes._ I stare straight into them, with shame. I don't like looking at myself. I'm pulled from my thoughts when I hear a knock on the door.

"Just one second, I'm almost done." I yell.

I quickly run my hands through my hair and begin to braid. I sneak one last quick glance at my face before I turn around and walk out of the bathroom. Prim stands patiently waiting for me by the door, her back pack in hand. I walk towards the door, taking her hand in mine and leading her through the door, shutting it behind us before my mother gets to say a word. Sometimes I feel nothing but hatred for that woman, and other times I can't help but feel sorry for her. My father died two years ago, in a bad car accident. I remember I was at school when I got the call, a teacher had to drive me home, which normally I would have found humiliating but I was in complete shock. One of the people I held dearest to me was gone, in the blink of an eye. My mother lost it after that, she would sit at that damned kitchen table just staring at nothing for hours, while Prim and I withered away to skin and bones. I was only 14 when I started working. I had to feed Prim, I didn't want anyone to know what was going on in our home, how our mother had abandoned us emotionally and physically. If anyone had found out, they would have removed us from the only place we had ever known, and sent us to different homes. I couldn't bare to be separated from Prim. No one would hire me due to being only 14, it took weeks of searching until I came upon Mrs. Hawthorne who needed her house cleaned almost daily. That's how I met Gale, my best friend, he is the second oldest of her 4 children.

"Katniss?" I look to find Prim staring at me questioningly, only then do I realize I've stopped walking. I start to walk again until I feel a familiar firm grip on my shoulder, and can't help but grin to myself. I turn to find Gale. Bright white smile and his cool gray eyes looking into mine.

"Good morning, Katnip."

"Morning, Gale." I nudge him slightly before we all continue to walk.

When I walk into class I notice that more than half the class appears to be missing, I'm glancing around when my eyes lock with his, causing me to slightly flush. _Peeta._ We've done this every day for years, making eye contact, but never have we had an actual conversation, probably because we have nothing in common. We're from two different worlds, he's rich, attractive, outgoing. I'm poor, average and I keep to myself. I'm sure every time I find him looking at me he's secretly judging me.

"Hello, Sweetheart. Am I interrupting something?" I turn to see Mr. Abernathy looking directly at me. "Didn't think so, pay attention. I won't be teaching you this again."

I see Gale giving me a strange look out of the corner of my eye but ignore him, turning my attention to the lesson being taught. 40 something minutes later there is a loud alarm going off all throughout the halls and rooms, causing everyone to groan and hold their hands over their ears. Mr. Abernathy walks to the door pulling it shut and locking it, instructing us all to sit under our desks. By the time the alarm finally stops my back is aching from sitting in the same position for so long. I crawl out from under my desk but before I sit down I notice how awfully quiet our teacher is as he sits looking at his computer screen. I'm not the only one because I hear Gale's voice next to me, asking exactly what I want to know.

"What's wrong?" he asks forcefully.

"I-I don't know how to explain it, all I can do is show you." He replies in complete awe.

Before any of us can respond, he pulls up a video on his computer and projects it onto the wall. I feel my stomach drop as I see nothing but chaos on the streets. Thousands of people dead, hundreds of people running, crying. I'm about to ask questions when a grim looking reporter appears.

"People of Panem. I am sad to inform you that there has been an outbreak, a worldwide outbreak of a vicious disease killing millions of people in only a few hours. The images you just saw was live footage from around the world. If you're watching this, all I can say is, may the odds be ever in your favor."

He stands there momentarily before a woman comes on screen. No, that is not a woman that is a monster, her skin a sick green color, and sores on her face oozing pus. Her eyes meet the camera and they are not filled with pain, or anger, or anything for that matter. They are lifeless. In a blink of an eye the cameraman who was visibly shaking drops the camera and there is an eerie complete silence before a blood curdling, bone chilling scream comes through his mic, and a horrible chomping sound. I am frozen in place, when everything around me turns to the same chaos we just saw on the streets. Some people run, some people cry. In the midst of it all, I stay frozen.


	2. Chapter 2

Within seconds most of the classroom has ran out. For what reason I can't say, what do they expect to find out there? Anything different? If so they're naïve. I have two things on my mind, to find Prim and to survive. I see Gale stand up in the corner of my eye and I remember I am not the only one with priorities.

"Katniss, we need to go get Prim and then we need to go get my family, and your mom." He says.

I nod, and get up to walk when I feel a hand close around my forearm, I twist and I'm on immediate defense until I'm met with those soft blue eyes, causing me to almost instantly ease.

"I-I'm Peeta. I live by you, please. I can help you get there, I think if we have enough people we can get there together." I hear a pleading tone in his voice that makes me think of my Prim, pleading for my mother to say something, or to move.

Before I have time to reply I hear Gale's voice reply.

"Yeah, thanks but no thanks. We'll do just fine on our own." He says almost arrogantly.

"No, Gale he's right. Plus, if this is real, if it's really worldwide, we need to save who we can. Not abandon them.

I then begin to notice none of the left classmates are going anywhere by themselves and I can't leave them. Mr. Abernathy, Johanna, Annie, Finnick. I've never had a conversation with them, but in a way I feel I know them. We've been in the same schools and classes since kindergarten. I turn back to Gale and he's looking at me questionably, then I turn back to the other students.

"I don't know any of you, but if you want to survive I think the best way for that to happen is to not be alone. I'm going to find my sister and then we're going to whoever comes with us homes for the rest of your families. I'm willing to go to yours as well, but together. All of us go to each other's homes, or none of us go together at all."

I'm surprised when I get no disagreements from anyone. I take the lead of the group and head straight towards the classroom I know Prim is in. I've always had her schedules remembered, in case one day something happened to our mother, and we needed to leave. After a couple of flights of stairs I barge into the room and spot my sister right away, hugging what appears to be her teacher.

"Katniss! I knew you'd come." She yells as she slams into me.

"Of course I came little duck, we need to get moving though, okay?" I say as I slide my fingers through her blonde hair.

Without further hesitation, we exit the class room adding another person to our group, Ms. Trinket. We break into a janitors closet in hopes of finding something we can use as weapons and only find a couple of brooms and mops that we brake in half and hope is sharp enough to pierce skin if need be. We begin to make our way down the halls towards an exit when we see a young girl standing at the end of the hallway, staring into space. I feel a pit in my stomach again as I think I know how this is going to end.

"Katniss, what's wrong with her?" Prims asks in a shaky voice.

"She's sick Prim, and I don't think she's going to make it." I whisper.

Prim stops dead in her tracks and begins breathing roughly, tears streaming down her cheeks. That's when the girl at the end of the hall hears us and turns in our direction, causing Prim to cry even harder. The girl has blood dripping from her mouth and is growling at us like a vicious animal. I fold Prim into my arms, facing her away from the horrific site and nod to Gale, he strides forward and jams his broom stick into the girl's chest, the impact alone should have knocked her off her feet, but she stays standing. I feel a panic in my chest. What if you can't kill them?

That's when out of the corner of my eye I see someone run towards the girl, and shove his broom stick into her eye socket with such force that it comes out the other side of her skull, she begins to go limp and falls backwards taking his weapon along with her. Only then do I realize who did it. Peeta. I look him up and down and he stands completely still looking at his hands that appear to be shaking. Gale gives him a nod before he continues down the hall. I am taken back by his will to keep going seconds after attempting to kill someone, and then watching someone else finish her off. Then it sinks in that, _this_. This is what the world is now, and the sooner I adapt to it, the more chances of survival there are for me and Prim.

xXxXxXxX

The streets are even more horrendous in person. Flipped over cars, fires, broken glass covers the road. It is mind blowing to think that just hours ago everything was calm. Everyone was going about their daily business in peace. Our pack creeps down the roads, staying close to the walls around us, and always taking the alleys when possible. After an hour we finally are a block away from our apartment building, when we turn the corner and are met with over 2 dozen people standing in our way. Not people like us, but infected people.

I begin to hear whispers throughout our small group. "What are we going to do, Katniss?"

I gulp as I come into realization that I don't know what to do. I'm starting to panic when I hear Peeta's voice from the back of the group.

"There's a side entry to my families bakery, and I have a key to get in there. There's a set of stairs in the back of the store that leads to the main lobby of the apartments."

I flash him a small smile, and take note when his cheeks redden.

"Okay, we'll back track this block we've walked and cross at the main road, slip into the alley and make no noise. If we can do that, we just might make it inside."

Everyone nods, gripping there poorly made weapons tighter, and we begin walking.

My heart thumps loud in my chest as we meet the corner of the alley that has the side entry to the bakery, Gale runs across the alley and gives me a nod. We both lean forward, and see that the people in the alley all stand in almost the exact same formation. I take one last glance at Prim before I start to walk forward towards the door, keeping my footsteps light. When I reach the door I slide the key in, and twist. I let out a huge breath, I didn't know I was holding, when the door swings open. I wave my companions in and quietly shut the door when the last one enters.

I close my eyes as anxiety fills me. I didn't think I would make it this far, and now that I have I'm deathly afraid of what I'll find in the apartment. As much anger as I have for my mom, I still love her. I would never wish that kind of death upon her, or anyone for that matter. Alone, sad, high.

When we're a few feet from the door, Prims grip on my hand tightens and I glance down at her and give the best reassuring smile I can. I creep over to the door and slide my key in unlocking it slowly. I push the door open and I'm startled when my eyes land on my mother at the kitchen table a pistol in hand.

"Katniss! I'm so glad you're alright, where's Prim?" Just as she finishes her sentence when Prim runs in going straight into our mom's arms.

"Katniss, get all the food, clothes, blankets, pillows and weapons you guys can find, I'm going to go with Peeta to his apartment and get his family." Gale says behind me. I give him a nod and then he's gone.

A half hour later between my mother, sister and I. We have a good amount of everything. My mom has a pistol in her hand and a bag filled with every last bit of food we have in the apartment, my sister stands the broken broom in her hand, and a knife strapped around her waist, and I have a bow and close to 100 arrows. My dad used to take me on his hunting trips, and I took to the bow rather quickly.

We walk out into the hallway where everyone but Peeta, Gale and Finnick are.

"You guys, stay here and watch the stairs. I'm going to see if they need any help upstairs."

I begin to run up the stairs, skipping 2 at a time before I reach Peeta's floor. When I reach his door and look inside a gasp escapes me as I see his family lined up on the floor, a pool of blood by each of their heads. I hear sniffling and see Peeta holding a young boy in his hand. Tears fill my eyes as I remember when I saw my dad in the casket, so still. My heart swells for this boy. I don't know him well, but I want to comfort him, though I don't know how. I'm bad at these kinds of things. I move over to him, and rest my hand on his shoulder, he jumps but when he realizes it's me he leans into my hand.

I see rather than hear Gale enter the room and his eyes immediately go to my hand resting on Peeta. I let my hand fall off of him and clear my throat, walking over to Gale and taking a bag from his hands.

"Let's go." Gale says sternly.

I shoot him a look and he rolls his eyes, stomping out of the room. I kneel beside Peeta, putting my hand on his shoulder once again.

"Peeta, would you like me to wrap them in some sheets and say a few words for them?" he looks at me, big blue eyes full of tears and nods.

I stand him up and lead him to the couch to sit, before I go to find sheets. They're easy to find, and in a few minutes, I have his family's bodies neatly wrapped in sheets. I grab his hand and stand him up. There's an awkward moment before Peeta begins to talk.

"This is going to sound bad, but in a way I'm relieved that they're gone. None of them would have made it in a world like this. I wouldn't want them to. None of them were happy, Katniss. None of us were, she was so mean." I see tears fall down his cheek, and without thinking about it, I'm wiping them off for him.

I feel his soft hand close around mine and my mouth goes dry. We stare into each other's eyes for what feels like forever, but at the same time, it feels like no time at all. I let my hand fall, and look down at my feet.

"We should go, don't want the others to worry." I think I see a hint of hurt in his eyes, and within seconds it's gone without a trace.

I see Prim standing at the end of the hall, she appears to be crying, I search the crowd for my mom's face and she's looking at me apologetically. I break into a jog and almost slam into Ms. Trinket.

"Mom, where's Gale?" I can't keep the worry out of my voice.

"He's fine honey, he's just downstairs boarding the doors up with the boy with the golden hair."

"Finnick?" she nods. "But why? We need to exit out those doors."

That's when I head Johanna speak for the first time. "The whole building is surrounded by those roamers. No way out, at least not tonight. Best get comfy, this hallway is our bedroom for the night." She spits out.

I take my sister's hand, and lead her to the far corner of the hall, and pull the blankets out of her bag, setting up a bed. When I'm finished she lays down, and her breaths quickly fall even.

Gale walks over to us, and smiles slightly at sleeping Prim. "Haymitch and I are going to take first watch tonight."

"Who's Haymitch?" he chuckles before he answers.

"Mr. Abernathy, he didn't think we should be so formal, considering." He gives me a slight nod before he walks back down the hall, and down the stairs.

Peeta slowly walks over to us. "Do you mind if I set up for the night over here?" I shake my head and within moments he's laying down.

Only then do I realize how tight it is over here, and how close we are. I begin to doze off when I hear a sniffle next to me, causing my eyes to shoot open. Our eyes meet again, and I reach my hand out towards him. I get a feeling like I'm falling from a high up place, when his warm soft hands wraps around mine. It doesn't take long for him to fall asleep, and when he does I contemplate pulling my hands away. No one needs comforting when they're sleeping. _But are you comforting him, or is he comforting you?_ No matter the answer, I fall asleep hand in hand with the boy with bread.


	3. Chapter 3

I hear a shuffle, and feel a slight nudge. I look up to see Gale standing over me, a bitter look on his face. I'm about to question him, when I feel a squeeze on my hands. I turn to my head and see that Peeta and I still have our fingers intertwined. I blush from head to toe as I slowly pull my hand away from his, and freeze when he shifts slightly before his breath falls even again and I know he's still asleep. I pull myself up to my feet, and look at Gale.

"Time for your watch." Gale spits at me.

Everyone is still sleeping as we walk past them, when we reach the bottom floor and I'm surprised to see the door wide open. I give Gale a pointed look.

"I went this morning Katniss. All the roamers were gone, so I went by myself. They're all gone. Just disappeared. My mom, Rory, Posy, all of them." He stares into space.

I reach out to touch him, and he flinches away.

"Don't. What was that in there Katniss?" he finally looks at me.

"Gale, he just lost all of his family. I can't imagine what that's like, losing Prim. Even my mother. I was just trying to comfort him."

He shakes his head and we sit in silence the rest of the morning.

When everyone has all woken up, we start making plans. I learn a lot about everyone in a short amount of time. Annie is 9 weeks pregnant, with Finnicks child. Their families disowned them when they found out she's pregnant, so they live on their own.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't slightly relieved, one less family we need to worry about. The bigger our group gets, the more dangerous it is. Traveling with a large amount of people causes too much attention on us, our best shot at surviving is sneaking around.

Johanna was adopted and her mother died years ago. Haymitch is a drunk, with no wife or kids. Effie's family all lives on the other side of the country so they're the least of our worries. That leaves us with just finding Gale's family. We have enough food between all of us, and from the bakery to last a couple of weeks.

At the end of the meeting we've all agreed unanimously that we're going to stay sheltered in the apartment building for as long as possible. Peeta, Haymitch and I are going to scout a 2 mile radius around us looking for anything viable, weapons, food, clothing, etc.

XxXxXxXxXxX

We're 20 minutes into our search when I hear his heavy feet trotting up to me. My heartbeat quickens slightly, and when he finally reaches me I glance at him, and see he's smiling.

"Something amusing?" I ask him accusingly.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." He says jokingly. "And yes, I happen to know that there is a peacekeepers station one mile south of here, I say we head that way and take everything we find."

I can't help but grin as well. We could use as many weapons as possible.

The peacekeepers station is easy enough to find, and when we finally get to the building I burst in through the door. I'm smiling until I look around, and find that the whole place is cleared out. Every shelf, desk, and box is empty. _You should have known._ Yes, I should have known. Hope is unreliable. I walk towards a desk and sink into the chair, resting my head in my hands.

Minutes later, and Peeta is still rummaging through stuff, only further annoying me.

"Would you just stop? There's nothing here for us." I spit out.

"Oh really? You see these keys in my hand. I've tried to unlock everything in here that has a lock, the jail cells, desks, doors. Nothing's worked so far. These keys go to something, and I'm willing to bet that it's hidden. What could they possible want hidden out of plain sight?"

"I'm not in the mood for a guessing game, get on with it." I say sternly.

"Weapons, Katniss. More weapons." He says vaguely disappointed.

We all begin frantically looking, tearing up the whole building until finally I hear Haymitch yelling for us. I run into the very back room and see he has a desk moved against the opposite side of the wall and a rug pulled back, revealing a hatchet. Peeta grins and pushes forward kneeling he slides the key in, turning it and we all let out a sigh when the door pops open. Peeta leans forward, blindly searching, before we hear his hand hit something. He pulls his arm up, and turns around towards me, grin and all, holding an assault rifle.

My mouth drops open, and I shake my head looking at him.

"You're a genius, kid." I hear Haymitch chime in next to me.

30 minutes later we all have 2 large duffle bags filled with as much guns and ammo we can carry. We also found C4's, tasers, and my personal favorite, 2 new bows, and a pack of a hundred or more arrows. Someone here had a thing for vintage weapons, and for that I am deeply appreciative.

xXxXxXxXxXxX

We make it back to the apartment building with no other issues. I only then realize how hungry I am. So I make my way into the bakery looking for something I could never afford, but always wanted. Cheese buns. I'm looking through the stuff when someone walks in behind me.

"What are you looking for?" Peeta says.

I whip around, and I feel suddenly shy.

"Uh-Cheesebuns. Do you happen to know where they are?" I ask quietly.

"We don't have any." I begin to frown inwardly. "But, I can make them."

I smile nodding frantically, and I must look crazy because he beings laughing, and so do I.

I inhale savoring the sweet smell of the bread baking in the oven. It's a very nostalgic smell. When I was younger and my dad was teaching me how to shoot in the woods just up north, he would sneak us by here and buy us a small loaf of cheese buns, it was our little secret. Until one time I felt bad, so I saved some and shared it with Prim, she ended up telling mom and it was put an end to them.

Peeta pulls me from my thoughts.

"You sure are smiley today, it's unusual." He says teasingly.

I blush slightly, before nudging his arm. "Just a memory is all, a good one. Also, how do you know it's unusual?" I ask.

He looks at me warily before he speaks. "I've noticed you for a while." He just barely whispers before he continues. "It sounds like we'll be here for a while, maybe I can teach you how to make cheese buns.

"I'd like that." I smile one last time, before I scurry out of the room. Not stopping until I find myself on the roof of the building, my breathing fast and hard.

 _What is he doing to me?_ Every time he looks at me with those ocean blue eyes, I can't breathe. I can't afford to have any more weaknesses. Not when the world is like this. I have Prim to think about, she is my first priority.

The door behind me opens, and I hold my breath. When my eyes find Gale, I let out a long sigh. Only then do I notice his absence throughout the day. I walk towards him, stopping only a few feet in front of him.

"Where've you been all day?" I ask.

"Scouting, just like you guys, and I found something." I give him a curious look, before he pulls his hands out from behind his back, holding a very fragile, well I don't know what it is. I think it's an antique.

"Is that one of those things? The ones that are like TVs but without the visual."

"Yes, it's called a Radio, Katniss. Do you know anything about our history?" He smirks slightly at me.

"That's not the point, what's so special about it?" I squint my eyes, looking at it.

"Not it itself, but what I heard on it." He sets it down on the ground, switching on a few buttons, and turns a nozzle, until I hear a distant person speaking through it.

I kneel beside it, pushing my ear against it. I can barely make out what it's saying, until Gale moves around two long antennas that are attached to it. I fall onto my back when a voice booms through the speakers, and hear gale snickering beside me. I scowl at him before I give all of my attention to the woman speaking.

"Attention people of Panem. As you all know we are at the beginning of an apocalypse. We have lost millions of people. I'm speaking from District 13. I know that may come as a surprise, if you reach us, I can further explain. What I will say for now, is that the bombs you think killed us did not. Luckily, as you all know we handled all weaponry. The capitol was scared of rebellion in all districts, so we made an agreement. We agreed to stop rebelling, to go underground and let you all think we had died. In agreeing to that, we were no longer under President Snow's dictatorship. The capitol dropped bombs above us, so it would appear as though we did not survive. We've been hidden for over 50 years, and now the world is in a crisis and you need us. I know what your thinking, why would I make an alliance with a traitor, when I can be protected by the capitol. I'm saddened to tell you, that those very people are what got us into this. The outbreak was not an accident, but a very thought out plan.

Than nothing but silence comes through, and I can hear my heart pounding. I look up at Gale and see he's hardly phased.

"Gale? Why aren't you bothered by this?" I yell.

"I knew Katniss. Our walk to school, there's usually peace keepers on every corner, but there was not one. Not one walking, or sitting in a car. They were all just gone." He says distantly. "I knew something was going on, and it wasn't until that video came on that I knew exactly what it was they were doing."

I run my hands through my hair, trying to make sense of it all. I try to tell myself that yes, President Snow is cruel but he is not that cruel. But no matter how hard I try, I know that what the mysterious lady on the radio and Gale said, is the truth.

"We need to tell the others, see what they want to do." I finally stand walking quickly.

xXxXxXxXxXx

After hours of arguing we have still not decided whether we would like to proceed to district 13 or not.

"What if it's a test? What if they're seeing who's not loyal to the capitol?" Johanna asks.

Gale shakes his head at her. "It's not. I don't know how I know it's not, but I do know it's not."

"What's your take on all this, sweetheart? You're looking rather apathetic." Haymitch says.

It takes me a minute to realize he's talking to me, and find that all eyes are on me. I shrug and see Gale roll his eyes.

"Look, I don't care what you guys do. I'm going to District 13, my family has got to be there." Gale says sternly. "Are you with me, Katniss?"

A safe haven sounds too good to be true, but I know the alternative. Stay here, run out of food. Get overrun by roamers, die. Go to the capitol, be slaughtered. The capitol only cares about a handful of people, and they're all already there. If people from district 12 showed up they would laugh at us as we got eaten. I have to have hope, that district 13 is there. Not for me, but for Prim.

"Yeah, I'm with you." I reply quietly.

Peeta is the next one to agree, and shortly after everyone else is in agreement too.

"We need a plan." Peeta chimes in.

"We'll go through the woods, Katniss and I know them like the back of our hands." Gale responds.

"We leave at sunlight." I say, and no one argues.


	4. Chapter 4

My heart begins to quicken as I stalk through the woods on the tips of my toes, bow and arrows at hand. I breathe in and savor the smell of the pine trees. The sound of leaves crushing under feet. Birds chirping, no not chirping. They're singing, a delightful tune. I finally realize that it's a mocking jay. A capitol mutation. They've gone practically extinct. When the capitol made them it was intended as a weapon, they would send them to the enemy's camps, hoping to get Intel on their plans, but it backfired when the rebels found out and used them to their advantage. President Snow had them wiped off the map since he found out what the rebels were doing with them, or so I thought.

I pull an arrow out and steady my aim on the bird, I'm about to let the arrow go, when I hear a little girl scream. My heart stops and I'm screaming her name without a second guess as to what it could attract.

"Prim! Prim where are you?" I shout.

I'm running through the woods, whipping my head around frantically in search of her, when I remember that Prim is at least a mile west from where I am, and the only person anywhere remotely close to me, is Peeta. I know for a fact that the scream didn't come from him.

I hear rustling to my right and creep towards the sound, hiding behind a tree. This could be a trap, so I need to be as quiet and careful as possible. I pull out another arrow and slowly move just my head out from behind the tree. My eyes fall to a girl lying on the ground a woman twice her size on top of her. The girl is flailing around underneath her, in a sad attempt to get her off. My hand begins to shake as I realize what I have to do. Gale told me that it's easy, if you don't think about it. That we've hunted for years, and it isn't much different, but he's so wrong. At one point that lady was loved. Maybe a mother, or a wife. This women had a conscience once, to choose to do good or bad, and I still have one unlike the infected. They're wild, and animal like, they go on instinct and instinct only. I repeat this to myself, as I let go of the arrow, and hear it hit its target.

The sound of the young girl sobbing pulls me from my thoughts. I'm not good at these things, and for a moment I stand there awkwardly, not knowing exactly what to do, but my mind goes to what it always does when I don't know what to do, Prim. So I walk over to the girl, and wrap my arms around her, pulling her tightly into my chest.

"Hey, shh. It's okay, you're safe now." I say as softly as my voice gets.

It takes a while, and just as she is calming down, we hear something. Heavy, and coming straight for us. I push her up, and jump in front of her and grab my bow sliding an arrow out if its holder, holding it tightly to my chest. Waiting for whoever, or whatever is out there to show themselves.

I'm about to let the arrow go when I recognize the face.

"Peeta! I was about to shoot! I could have killed you." I can't keep the anger out of my voice.

He puts his hands up in the air.

"Hey, calm down. You didn't. I heard screaming, I wanted to make sure you were alright." His eyes land on the girl behind me.

"Who might that be?" he asks, smiling at her kindly.

Only then do I realize I haven't even asked her, her name. I glance down at her scanning her face, she has warm brown skin that looks as soft as silk. Freckles cover the tops of her cheek bone. All of her features are soft, and kind, and her hair is in beautiful black natural curls that are a bit mussed up from the wrestle she just encountered with the infected woman.

"What's your name?" I ask as kindly as possible.

She stares at us before she gulps. "R-Rue." She whispers.

"Well Rue, my name is Katniss, and this is my friend Peeta. Are you with anyone else?" I don't dare mention our group, in case this still happens to be a very sick trap.

She opens her mouth to respond, but all that comes out is a choked sob, she points to the woman on the ground and I look at the corpse confused, until it hits me. How similar there features are, the same skin tone, even the same body structure, small but strong.

I sit back down on my knees, wrapping my arms around her and let her sob, until she has no tears left. Peeta walked away a few minutes into her sobbing, I'm starting to worry. Then I hear him treading close by, he appears from some trees to the right of us, and clears his throat before he begins talking.

"Uh, Rue. I know the pain you're experiencing. Just a few days ago I lost my whole family, it's still unbearable, but Katniss here, she's helped me. I wouldn't be standing here if it weren't for her. I would have stayed in that apartment with my family and I would have wept, and starved and eventually died, but she kept me moving. I know the last thing you want to do right now, is get on your feet, and walk to some unknown territory with strangers, but I promise you it's the best thing you could do." He slowly approaches us and rests his hand on her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

"I dug her a grave, Rue. We can bury her, and you can say your goodbyes, it may not be with all the people you loved, but it's what you need, and she'll be at peace." He adds.

I feel my eyes well up with tears and spill onto my cheek.

"Thank you." I mouth to him, he nods in response.

Slowly after sometime I talk Rue into standing up, Peeta and I carry the body a few yards from where we were, until we see the grave he has dug. Without a second thought, Peeta pulls his jacket off and wraps it around the dead woman tightly, and ever so slowly we lower her body into the grave. Once we've filled the grave back up with dirt, we stand in silence for some time, before Rue walks towards me with a stick in hand.

"I don't know how to write, school wasn't required in my District. Can you write something for me?" she asks.

I nod and she begins.

"Here lies Willow Posey, of district 11. A widowed mother of four, loved not widely, but deeply." Rue says quietly.

When I'm finished writing, I take her hand and we begin our journey to District 13, once again.

XxXxXxXxX

We walk until the very last bit of light leaves the sky. When we decide to set up camp, we eat our freshly caught game, which consisted of 2 birds. The last thing I remember was a small body cuddling into me.

I wake in a mess of blankets and limbs, and smile at the small arms wrap around me. Still half a sleep, I call her name out.

"Prim." I barely whisper when I hear her voice answer me.

"Katniss? Wake up."

I look down, and I see that it is not Prim, who is wrapped around me, but Rue. I blink repeatedly trying to adjust to the morning sky. I see Peeta laying on the other side of Rue, his arm underneath his head. He still lays sound asleep and I quickly glance around, remembering Prim's voice right next to my ear. As I'm looking, I notice how peacefully quiet it is.

Part of me, doesn't want to leave this moment ever. The warmth of Rue, and Peeta, as we've caged each other together, leaving no room for the outside world to get in, but I must get to Prim. So I pull myself away from them, and stretch, breathing in the cool morning air.

I decide it's best to let them sleep longer while I hunt, Peeta's loud steps would scare away any game within a mile.

An hour later and I return to where we were camped up, and see a sleepy eyed Rue sitting there.

"Sorry I slept so late, you could've woken me up." She says quietly.

"Nonsense, I needed to hunt. So there was no point in waking you up, you need as much rest as possible, we still have a good 20 miles until we reach District 13." I say, smiling at her.

She gives me a small sad smile that makes me ache. How can I comfort her? Peeta walks back into our small camp, pushing the moment away.

"I went to go collect some stuff to eat, you wouldn't believe how many berries there are out there." He says, grinning.

I look at his hands and see a black smear on them and I jump up, grabbing his hands.

"Peeta! Tell me you didn't eat those, they're poison berries!" I yell at him frantically.

"No, Katniss, I didn't eat them yet. I'm fine." He replies.

I begin digging my hands in his pockets and pulling out all the berries that fill them, throwing them as far away as possible. I'm still digging when he puts his hand on my face.

"Hey, you got all of them, okay? They're gone. I didn't eat them, I'm okay. Everyone is okay." He says in a soft soothing voice.

I let out a slow breath, and nod as his voice and words wrap around me in a blanket of comfort.

XxXxXxXxX

We've been traveling for a day, and there is no signs of the rest of our people. Rue begins to worry but, I assure her that they're smart enough to cover their tracks to ensure they're not found, by roamers, or people.

When dinner time comes around, we decide to set up our camp for the night. I break from them to hunt, Peeta builds a fire, and Rue goes to find a place to use the restroom.

I'm relieved by how well I did tonight, I'm walking back with 2 squirrels and a rabbit. I'm close to camp, when I hear her scream, I immediately drop everything in my hands and run into the direction of where it came from, not stopping, until I break through the Trees and see her, a large man has cornered her into a tree, and is attempting to bite into her flesh, and he's close. I pull out a bow and hesitate. What if it goes through him, and into her head as well? _Then don't aim for the head._ I instead aim, at his ankle. If I hit it in just the right spot, he'll fall over. I breathe in, and let the arrow fly as I breathe out.

The arrow hits the exact spot, because seconds later he falls to his side, and I run over to him, pulling out my knife and driving it through his skull.

I hear a thump, as if someone were hitting the ground, and turn so see Rue lying on the ground, her breathing, heavy and fast. I crawl over to her, pulling her head into my lap.

"Hey, relax. He's dead, you're safe." I say as I gently run my fingers through her hair.

She gulps, and pulls her coat off, and I freeze at the sight. A huge, bleeding bite mark stands out on her shoulder. My hands begin to shake, and I curse at myself. Don't let her see you worried, don't make her last moments anxious, scared ones. Make them calming. I want to gag as blood spills out of the wound, not stopping.

I can't help the tears that fill my eyes, when her big brown innocent eyes meet mine.

"Katniss, will you sing me a song?" she asks so politely it might be my undoing.

I nod, unable to say a coherent answer. _What do I sing? Do I even know any songs by heart?_ And then it comes to my mind. An old song my dad used to sing when we would go to our secret river when he was teaching me to swim. I swallow down the cries that are begging to escape me, and begin to sing.

Deep in the meadow, under the willow  
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow  
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes  
And when again they open, the sun will rise.

Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from every harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you.

Deep in the meadow, hidden far away  
A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray  
Forget your woes and let your troubles lay  
And when again it's morning, they'll wash away.

Here it's safe and here it's warm  
And here the daisies guard you from every harm  
And here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you.

As the last line leaves my mouth, she lets out a deep breath and her eyes close, and I don't hold back anymore. A loud, ugly sob comes out of my throat, and I lay my head on her chest, pulling at my hair. Sounds I've never heard, that don't even sound human escape me.


	5. Chapter 5

I don't know how many seconds, minutes or hours go by since Rue has died when I feel two strong arms create a cage around me. At first, I fight it with everything in me. I push away from him, bang on his chest to let me go. Not once does he loosen his grip, not once does he give up on me. How can I go on? I don't stop crying until my eyes fall heavy, and I drift off into a deep sleep.

Only the deep sleep does not last long, they're filled with images of her lifeless body, limp in my arms. Those big, beautiful brown eyes staring into mine. So innocent, and kind. Pure. When I wake, Peeta is shaking me, yelling my name. When I'm more than half awake I finally talk.

"Can't a girl get some sleep around here?" I say, pathetically, my voice comes out quiet and raspy.

He shakes his head in astonishment.

"I wouldn't necessarily call that sleep, you were screaming." He says softly.

The tears begin again, and a sob rakes through my body and pushes its way out, causing my whole body to shake. I hear, rather than see him crawl over to me, and pull me into his arms yet again.

"I'm a mess, you should just leave, Peeta. God knows how far we are behind the group now, you'll never survive. Not with me weighing you down." I say irritated, though I don't know why.

"Don't talk like that, you're the very reason I'm going to survive." He says as he tilts my chin up, our faces a few inches apart.

I gulp, and find myself looking at his lips, and feel a heat cover my body.

"You keep saying that, but my question is why do you think that?" I barely whisper.

I'm barely able to finish my sentence when his lips crash into mine. At first it feels foreign and unnatural, but after a few seconds, and a turn of the head, it softens and becomes well, enjoyable. The kiss begins to deepen, and I'm lost in the moment. My head is spinning, and my mind and body are moving to their own accord. When our lips finally part, we're both breathing hard, and I'm flushed.

It takes a few minutes, but my mind finally starts to slow down and process what just happened, and I'm deeply embarrassed. What if I was doing it wrong? Who went in for it first?

"I-uh, that was my first kiss." I say, flushing even more.

He chuckles softly, and it makes me melt, but feel slightly embarrassed. I lightly nudge his shoulder, and glare at him.

"Ow, hey. I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing because you say that like it wasn't my first kiss too." He says shyly.

 _Oh._

"Well, that was good for your first time." I say, my jaw dropping after the words leave my mouth.

 _Did I really just say that? God I'm dumb._

He must pick up on my embarrassment, because he starts chuckling louder, and before you know it, we're both having fits of laughter.

xXxXxXxX

I wake up and find myself wrapped around Peeta. _What are you doing? You need to get to Prim. This needs to stop!_ I frown inwardly, as good as this feels I'm only screwing myself over. Caring for another person, will only add to my list of worries. I slowly slip out from under Peeta's arms and nudge him slightly with my foot.

"Peeta, get up. We need to catch up with everyone." I say sternly.

His blue eyes meet mine, and he looks up at me slightly confused.

"Mm, come here. Just a little longer." He murmurs sleepily.

"Get up. Now." I say angrily.

He opens his eyes again and they're alarmed now, slowly he stands up.

"What's wrong?" he asks, sounded slightly hurt.

"What we've been doing for the past day. It's not going to happen again, it was stupid. I have people I love that are waiting for me, they might think I'm dead. I need to get to them, I can't have any distractions." I cringe at how heartless I must sound.

If he's hurt though, he's doing a good job at not showing it because he nods, pulls his jacket on, and begins walking.

All day, we walk in complete silence. I want to scream in frustration. I am confused with my own self, I told him it was stupid, and I don't want it, yet I am filled with nothing but want, to hear his voice. Listen to his chuckle. Watch his blue eyes light up. I feel like I am not going to make this journey without it.

Finally he turns to me, and I feel my heart race. _I've been wanting to talk to you all day,_ my mind screams.

"We're out of water." He spits out at me.

My heart sinks, and I curse at myself for getting my hopes up. _What do you expect? It's been not even a week since his whole family died, and you just rejected him._ I clear my throat.

"I'll go look for some." I say quietly, before wandering off.

Hours later, I'm about to give up hope. I begin my walk back towards the direction Peeta is in, when I step forward and my foot mushes into the ground. I look down, and find my foot, a feet deep in mud. I pull my foot out and take another step forward, when it hits me. There's only mud, if there is water nearby. I turn left, the only direction I haven't gone in, and a gasp escapes me. A small creek flows 10 feet away.

I am soaking in the water, when I remember Peeta. I jump to my feet and take my water bottle out of my bag and fill it up, then take off running in the direction I came from. It's been a whole day in the blazing heat, he's got to be dehydrated. By the time I reach him, I fall over her and I'm gasping for air. I have no idea how far I ran, but I do know that it's been over an hour.

"I found water." I finally huff out.

Only then do I see how pale he looks, I fall to my knees in front of him and rest my hand on his head. Immediately I know it's not good, his face is drenched in sweat, yet he lays shivering. I sit him up and open the water bottle, slowly spilling some into his mouth.

After I think I've given him enough, I sit behind him and lay his head in my lap. _What if he doesn't make it? What if you never get to say how sorry you are?_

I must finally fall asleep, because I feel soft hands gently shake me awake. My eyes focus on the object in front of me and my eyes fill with tears.

" _Prim."_ I gasp before I throw my arms around her.

A few minutes into embracing her I open my eyes and see the rest of the group standing around us. My eyes find Gale and I'm about to smile at him, but he has his angry face on. Only then do I feel a stir in my lap, and look down to see Peeta shaking.

I'm about to ask questions when my mother steps forward, pressing her hand to Peeta's forehead.

"Katniss, we need to get him to District 13 now, his body is shutting down. You can ask questions when we get there, okay?" she says.

I nod and slowly pick myself up off the ground. Haymitch and Finnick instantly move to Peeta and pick his body and put him on a poorly made stretcher. Without another word I move to the front of the group and start to fast walk. _You're going to make it, Peeta. You have to._

Gale jogs up next to me, breathing hard.

"Kat, you need to slow down. We've traveled a whole day to find you guys, we're all tired and hungry. We need to rest." He says

I turn to him, my anger boiling over.

"We don't have time, Gale! Did you see him? He needs help, now!" I yell.

The group stops abruptly and stare awkwardly at us. Finally my mother steps forward.

"She's right, Gale. We can't stop. Not just because of Peeta, but because we can't make it another day." She says softly.

Gale scoffs and storms away.

"I'm going to find food." He yells as he stomps away.

I shake my head, and quicken my pace even more.

I don't know how long we've walking, when I feel her small hand intertwine with mine, and I slow down, and ease a little. I turn my head towards her and smile at her.

"Do you think I'm making the right call, little duck? Making us walk all night?" I ask curiously.

She seems to ponder the question for a while before she replies.

"I do. I think Gale is jealous, and it's blinding him, and he knows it. He knows, if it was him, or me, or even Johanna you would be doing the same thing. Doing everything in your power to make sure they make it." She says confidently.

I smile down at her.

"When did you get so grown up?" I say teasingly as I muss up her hair.

She grins in response and skips ahead of me.

We each take turns carrying Peeta. Well the others switch out, but I stay by his side all night. Carrying him, even when my whole body feels like it's going to collapse from exhaustion. _I'm here, Peeta. Please come back._

It must be approaching dawn, because I hear birds chirping when we finally reach what used to be District 13. I yell at myself in my mind, for getting my hopes up. There is no civilization, just ruins of what used to be a town. Broken glass, half standing homes. My history books would call this a war torn city.

We set Peeta down, and I sit next to him rapping my fingers around his wrist. I begin to panic when I can't feel a pulse, but ease slightly when I feel a small, slow patter. Dangerously slow. There is nothing left here, no one to save him. I pull my knees to my chest and bury my face in between them. _Two peoples blood are on my hands. I couldn't protect them, who can I protect?_ A tear stains my cheek, when I hear approaching footsteps.

I jump to my knees, putting one leg up and resting the other on the ground and pull an arrow from it's holder. I am and in front of me I see a man dressed in all black, and what appears to be a bulletproof vest.

"Who are you?" I ask suspiciously.

"My name is Boggs. I'm President Coin's commanding officer." He replies casually.

"President Coin?" I hear Gale ask irritated, behind me.

"President Alma Coin, of District 13. We welcome you. I'd further explain, but it seems one of your companions is in desperate need of our help." Boggs says looking down at Peeta.

"Why should we trust you?" Gale spits out.

I stand back up and walk over to the tall man.

"Please, hurry." I whisper.

He nods and whistles, and a dozen more armored people come out from the woods behind him, they circle us before two of them move forward and pick up Peeta, walking him off. I run to catch up but I feel a hand close around my wrist.

"Your friend will be fine, you all need to speak to the president now." He says.

I'm about to argue, but I have a feeling there is no getting out of this. So I nod, and follow him.


	6. Chapter 6

I've been nothing but anxious since we entered District 13. Why? Because it all happens to be underground. We could all be buried alive down here at any given time. It's made me irritable, and everyone around here goes about doing normal daily routine things, but how can they do that with everything they know?

We've been here for a few days, and between President Coin and her right hand man Plutarch Heavensbee, they have enlightened me about everything going on out there. Everything Coin said on the broadcast was the truth, President Snow did release the virus that has turned thousands of people into flesh eating monsters. He didn't however anticipate Coin finding this information out and revealing it to the entire country. Coin just happens to have a genius named Beetee who escaped district 3 years ago, in hopes of finding this place. He was able to hack into all of Snows personal emails. Where we read back and forth emails between him and commanding peacekeepers of each district telling them there escape routes, and how everything was supposed to go down. The signs, how to respond to the questions from civilians, he even sent them a serum that made them immune to the virus.

Coin wants us all to lay low, she's been broadcasting that same message since the virus broke out. I tried to argue, but even Gale agreed. When I was finally alone with him we argued for hours.

"Gale, we should be out there doing something! Finding survivors, anything!"

"No, we need to stay underground and think of a way to get the serum. Right now all of us are useless, who knows how the virus spreads. It could be a bite, or it could be air born. It could have been put into our water supply, and it just hasn't hit us yet. We need to get our hands on it to ensure all of the people here will have a fighting chance and won't turn in the midst of an attack."

"An attack? Who said anything about an attack? All we're going to do is find survivors, and if we run into roamers we can kill them easily."

"It's much bigger than that now Katniss. There's a full blown rebellion, people are angry. The capitol has controlled us for as long as we've been alive, and then they kill over half of us. They're sitting up in their mansions, looking down at us as we turn into monsters and eat other humans."

"How do you know all this Gale? Let me guess, your master Coin. Ever since we got here you've been her little lap dog, doing and saying everything she tells you to. What else has she told you that she hasn't told the rest of us?"

When he doesn't answer, I leave him standing there, he's so full of hatred for the capitol and President Snow, no matter what I say he's going to jump on the chance to kill them all. Which is exactly what Coin wants.

I know someone who will listen to me and maybe even agree with me. So I head to the infirmary, and go straight to Peeta's room.

When I enter the room he's sitting on the edge of the bed in the same uniform everyone else is in. I grin knowing exactly what this means.

"They're finally letting you out?" I can't keep the excitement out of my voice.

"It would appear so, I guess they're finally done drugging me up."

I pull him into a hug, which I note lasts a lot longer than a normal hug. We break apart when someone enters the room. I turn around to see Gale regarding us apathetically, he clears his throat before talking.

"President Coin has requested both of yours presence."

I turn back to Peeta and he shrugs before we follow Gale out of the room.

When we enter the room, I freeze. All around us are screens with my face on them, but not just mine. Peeta's. From different angles. I am looking around when my eyes land on a screen with moving objects, and my mouth falls open as I register what I'm watching. I look at myself kneeling, with a young girls head resting in my lap, I'm singing to her, but I don't hear my voice. All I hear is a loud ringing in both my ears as. When I see myself stop singing rather than hear, I close my eyes, because I know what's next.

I feel a hand grip my shoulder, and I shove it away before I turn to the people sitting amongst the table. Boggs, Plutarch, Coin, and Beetee. I ball my hands up in fists, as they shake at my sides.

"You were watching us?" I spit at them.

"Please, understand. We needed to know who you were before we revealed ourselves to you, Katniss. None of us will survive if we don't take these measures of security." President Coin replies calmly.

"You watched her die. You let her die, because you were scared? Do you see that face on that screen! Does it look like someone you should be scared of?" I can't keep my voice down now, it rises with every word.

"President Snow is evil, I have no doubt in my mind that he wouldn't send someone exactly like that to spy on us."

"You almost let Peeta die! Even after it was obvious that we weren't spies. You're no better than Snow!"

I feel Peeta's hand on my lower back, and I push back against it. Hoping he will keep me steady and calm, because I'm about to lose it. As I look at all their faces I feel nothing but rage. When I open my eyes they land on Gale, and I see that he has joined them at the table. I walk towards him, and I pull back my hand and swing it forward, putting as much force behind it as I can, aiming directly for his cheek. I shake my hand out and grit from the sting.

"You knew didn't you? Before you came to get. You knew and you didn't tell me." I say in a deadly quiet voice.

"It's much bigger than that Katniss, we showed the videos your guy's journey here and all the people of Disrtict 13 are moved. We think you have what it takes to lead this rebellion. Our people are scared of out there right now, and who better to lead them, than someone who was out there when this started? Who knows first-hand how heartless President Snow really is? We've forgotten what it's like to be under control of him." Coin says.

I keep looking at Gale, waiting for him to disagree with here, but when his eyes don't mean mine, I know the truth. That he knew, and he chose not to tell me, and no he's on her side. I turn back to Peeta, taking his hand in mine and walk out of the room. Not looking back once.

I don't lose my cool until we reach Peeta's room. When his door closes, I begin to pace the room.

"Peeta, how are you not boiling? They were watching us, you could have died."

I step forward resting my hand on his cheek. "I could have lost you." I whisper.

His hand encloses on mine, and he closes his eyes taking a deep breath before he opens his eyes again.

"But you didn't, Katniss. I'm right here with you, and I'm just as mad. I just don't think there's anything we can do about it."

 _How do you do this to me? Make me so soft. Calm me so fast._ I nod, and decide to let it go for the night.

"It's late, let me walk you back to your room."

"Oh yes, because I need someone to walk me a whole three doors down." I nudge him teasingly.

It hits me when we reach my room, how much I don't want him to leave. We stand in front of my room, hugging for a while before he finally pulls away.

"You should really go in there, Prim is probably up worrying about you."

"Oh, no she's on some other floor. I requested a separate room from them. My nightmares have been keeping them up."

"You have them too?"

I nod, looking down at our feet. _Do not cry in front of him._ I feel his fingers push my chin up and he's looking into my eyes, and I think I might melt right here.

"Don't hide from me."

"They're about her. About her dying, her smile. How I couldn't keep her safe." I choke out.

"Hey, you did everything you could. It was out of your hands, don't blame yourself Kat."

I close my eyes, nodding to his words. I bite down on my lip, and without a second thought I open them and look directly into his eyes.

"Will you stay with me?"

I feel his fingers intertwine with mine before he replies.

"Always."


	7. Chapter 7

I wake up feeling rested for the first time in a long time. Once I blink the sleep from my eyes, I suck in a breath at the sight in front of me. Peeta has his arm wrapped around my waist, and his head is resting on my ribs. I blush slightly when I realize how close his head is to my chest, my breath quickens some and he knows because a few seconds later, he opens his eyes.

"Good morning." He mumbles sleepily.

"Morning." I whisper in reply.

A knock on the door pulls our attention away from each other. I'm sure it's my mom or Prim telling me to get up and to find Boggs so he can assign me to a job.

"Come in!"

I freeze when Gale is the one who walks through. When his eyes register us, he clears his throat, and starts backing up towards the door.

"I can come back later."

I jump out of bed, and run out the door, and find him about to go down the stairs. I grab his shoulder and turn him towards me.

"Don't do that, Gale."

"Do what? I think I was being pretty polite, you were all wrapped up in each other and what I say isn't going to matter so I left."

"You don't know that so just tell me, Please?"

He sighs and shakes his head.

"I was going to apologize for not telling you. I was going to tell you to really think about it Katniss, these people need you to step up and take the public leader role. Coin will tell you everything to say, she just wants it to be your face. You're young, and clearly a survivor from all the footage. I don't think I need to apologize now though, you had someone to comfort you."

"Don't make this about him."

"You're not the only one she wants to do this Katniss, she want's Peeta by your side. They want to use your apparent care and love for each other."

"Stop right there-love? I don't love him Gale, I barely know him. Yeah I care about him, but I wouldn't go as far to say as love."

"Caring is just a step towards love." And with that, he turns around and goes down the stairs.

I sigh, and go back into my room, where I find Peeta putting his shoes on.

"You're leaving too?" the disappointment clear in my voice.

He gives me a small shy smile that tugs at my heart.

"Not if you want me to stay, you just have to ask and I will always stay, remember?"

I crawl back into bed and pull the blankets up on his side and pat next to me. Without hesitation he slips off his shoes and curls up next to me under the blankets.

"So, I heard what he said. Do you want to talk about it?"

I shrug in defeat.

"I don't want to be a public figure, I don't want people looking to me, but at the same time there is hundreds of Prims out there who need someone to stand up for them."

"I think that's exactly why Coin wants you to lead this thing, she knows that you're selfless. Even if you don't want something, you change your thinking to other people's needs and not just your wants."

I move my head and lay it in the crook of his neck, slightly resting against his head.

"How is it you know what to say, when my best friend of 3 years doesn't?" I whisper.

"I've noticed you over the years." He replies, and we both fall back asleep.

When I wake up I reach my hand out in hopes of feeling him next to me, but when I touch nothing but air I jump up looking around the room. All his things are gone. _Don't tell me it was just a dream.._

I'm going to pick up the phone and call up to my mother and Prims room and ask them if they've seen him when I see a note on the night stand.

 _They came to get me for my work assignment, I'm in the kitchen._

 _I plan on stopping by after work and I will have cheesebuns._

 _See you then!_

 _Peeta._

I smile to myself before I get out of bed, dressing quickly and leave my room in search of Boggs. Why did he get a job assignment already and I haven't? He's the one who was in the hospital up until yesterday, not me. 

It takes a while but I finally find him.

"Hello Katniss." 

"Hey, I have a question I was hoping you could answer."

"Ask away."

"Well, I was wondering why Peeta got his job assignment and I'm the only one who hasn't."

"President Coin said not to assign you to anything until you decide on whether or not you would like to accept our offer."

 _Oh._ Of course she did.

"Thanks." I say as I walk off.

XxXxXxXxX

I spend the rest of my day wandering round aimlessly, exploring every inch of this place. All it does is make me miss the woods, and the outside world in general. Maybe if I say yes to the offer I can actually go outside. In fact I'm almost certain. There is no way they could leave me locked up in here, they already have some footage of me out there, _but they'll need more._

I'm pulled from my thoughts when my stomach growls at me. I begin my walk to the kitchen. I'm standing in line when my eyes land on the clock. My eyes widen as I realize how late it is. Peeta's shift is going to be over soon, and he's bringing me my favorite. I quickly put my tray back and head back to my room.

I walk into my small living quarters, and groan inwardly at how messy it is. How did I let him stay in here? I move to the bed and begin to make it, pushing every crease from it. Quickly I move to the small kitchen area, picking up my dirty boots and bow and arrow, tucking it into the closet. Now to fix myself up.

I enter the bathroom, and I'm alarmed at what I see in the mirror. _How did you let yourself walk around like this?_ My hair is a mess, and I don't have enough time to fix it, so I pull it all together and quickly braid it. _Better._

As soon as I walk out of the room there is a soft knock on my door, I walk over to it and Peeta stands holding a basket in his hand, with what I assume from the smell is freshly made cheese-buns.

"Well hello, boy with bread. Would you like to come in? I grin, holding the door open and pushing my other arm out towards the rest of the room.

"Wow, did you clean just for me? He replies teasingly.

I blush slightly, and walk over to the cabinets pulling out two glasses, filling them up with water. I move to the small two seater table and sit down, before I look at him again, grinning.

"Where are the cheese-buns? I only invited you in for them."

He chuckles softly, and I find myself biting my lip. Finally he places the basket in front of me and pulls it open, revealing not just cheese-buns, but a few different cheese's tucked away to the sides, and a group of mouthwatering fruits.

"Well, I guess we'll need plates for all of this." I say as I walk back over to the cabinets, grabbing two plates.

The food turns out to be more amazing than it looks. The bread, is soft and warm. Way better than I remembered it. The cheeses are rich with flavor, and the fruit is fresh, and sweet. I forget Peeta is there and when I look up, his eyes are on me and I blush.

"Sorry, I haven't eaten all day." I mutter.

"No, I'm glad you're eating, please. Just taking in the sight is all." He replies shyly.

"Well, I'm full now. I was hoping we could talk further about what Coin wants."

"Alright." He says nodding.

"I was thinking, that maybe we should do it. As much as I don't want to, I feel like, I don't know.. I have to. It's something I'm meant to do. Does that make sense? I sound stupid."

He reaches out and rests his hand on mine, squeezing it slightly. The small squeeze makes my body come to life, and every particle of my being is screaming that it feels right, and I need more.

"You don't sound dumb, and I agree. I think it would be selfish of us not to agree."

"So, it's settled then. We're doing this."


	8. Chapter 8

I open my eyes, and I feel a sting in my eye as sweat drips into it. I sit up, my breathing is fast and ragged. I feel a hand enclose around mine, and hear his soft voice.

"Katniss? What's wrong?"

He flips the light on and I blink at how bright it is. When he looks at me, it's an alarmed look. He pushes himself up and sits in front of me, pressing his thumb right under my lip and pulling it down some. I'm about to ask him what's wrong when I taste it. _Blood._

I jump up and run into the bathroom and look in the mirror and study my lip, he walks in behind me.

"You must have been biting it when you were dreaming."

I let out a deep sigh, and notice I've been gripping onto the sink so hard my knuckles are white, he walks over to me, pushing my hair out of my face.

"What is it?"

"I-I thought maybe I was getting sick. We don't know the symptoms of this thing, Peeta. You need to leave. I could be sick."

He sighs, shaking his head at me.

"Katniss, stop. If you're sick and it's contagious odds are I already have it. I've been with you since the start of this thing. They're just nightmares, everyone has nightmares. Okay?"

We walk back into the bedroom and sit on the end of the bed. I look at the clock and realize it's 4:00am.

"You should go back to sleep at least, I'm going to go walk around or something. You need to sleep, you have work in 3 hours."

"I don't want you walking around alone, let me go with you." He pleads.

"I'll be okay, I promise."

I feel his hand on mine as he pulls it up to his mouth leaving a small kiss on it before he crawls back into bed, pulling the blankets over him, and turning the light off.

I stand up, quietly opening the closet. I grab my boots, and leave him to sleep. My body seems to know where it's going before my mind does because I find myself in the cafeteria. I laugh at the irony of it, of all places I go for comfort. Here? Kitchens remind me of walking into our apartment after a good day out with Prim, and finding my mom at the table. Usually unconscious but other times she would be yelling, at me. Calling me by my father's name, asking where I've been. I'd send Prim to her room and tell my mother what she wanted to hear, eventually she would calm down enough and I would put her to bed.

I'm about to sit at a table when I see movement in the corner of the room, I glance over and see her sitting there, my mother _._ She gives me a small sad smile, and I walk over to her table, sitting across from her.

"Can't sleep?" her quiet voice eases me some.

"Oh yeah know, 16 years old in an apocalypse asking to lead the whole country against the capitol. It'll do that to ya."

She nods, and we sit in silence for some time before she speaks again.

"You can say no. You can let someone else take the leap."

I sigh. I thought hearing someone finally say that, would change my mind. That it would feel good and be a huge relief, but all it does is confirms I have to do it.

"I do, mom. I have to do it."

Tears fill her eyes, and she reaches across the table, taking my hand in hers, she nods her head.

"I stand behind your decision then, Kitty-cat."

Her words strike something deep within me and my emotions overwhelm me. My dad used to call me that, and I haven't heard that name since he died. I grip her hand tighter and let my tears fall silently. _I have not forgiven you mother, but I can try._

We sit in silence for some time, before we hear an alarm going off, announcing that it's time for everyone to get to their jobs. I slip my hand from hers and begin to walk away, but somethings makes me turn back. Our eyes meet, and the look in them tells me she knows everything I want to say to her. I turn back to the crowd pouring into the cafeteria and push through it.

Peeta's just about to leave when I walk in, he smiles when he sees me.

"Hey, I'm glad I got to see you before I go into work. Glad you're okay."

"You're not going to work, Peeta."

He looks at me questioningly.

"We're going to see Coin and we're going to tell her we'll do it."

He smiles crookedly before he steps forwards and plants a soft kiss on my forehead.

"You should probably shower and change first." He says teasingly.

I hit his arm, but begin laughing as I realize how ridiculous I must look. Muddy brown boots, and baggy sweat pants, with a t-shirt 3 sizes too big.

xXxXxXxXxXx

We're waiting outside of Coins conference room for what feels like hours when Boggs finally calls us in. The table is filled with people. Coin, Heavensbee, Beetee, Boggs, and that's where things get weird, next to Boggs is Gale, my mother, Haymitch, Finnick, Effie, Annie and Johanna, along with a few other strangers.

"Why are they here?" I ask, rather rudely.

"They're all a part of the agreement, Katniss." Coin replies coolly.

Heavensbee nods to the two seats in front of us, and Peeta intertwines he's fingers with mine before we sit. I note that Gale looks like he wants to set Peeta on fire, and subconsciously I move closer to Peeta.

"Okay, you wanted to talk. Talk." Heavensbee says.

I look to Peeta hoping he will take the lead, but he nods to me.

"We've decided we will do it. Be your leader or whatever."

I'm met with a huge smile from Heavensbee, but Coin looks apprehensive.

"What changed your mind?" she asks suspiciously.

"A lot of things. Peeta, Prim, my mom. All of the people that aren't here with us. Still fighting to survive, even with little hope. I have one request, I get to go above ground."

Peeta looks at me questioningly, and I can only give him a small shrug.

"No. It's too dangerous, we're done here." Coin says, rising from her chair.

 _No? I don't think so._ I stand, looking her dead in the eyes.

"You will agree to my one request."

"What makes you think that?" she replies, clearly amused.

"Because you need me. No one in this room, or whole district can do what it is you need done. Only Peeta and I can. You know that, I know that. If you could, you would have picked someone else, but you can't. You leaked that footage, and it is us they're chanting for, to lead them. Isn't it?"

The look on her face confirms my suspicions. She clears her throat and sits back down.

"Where do you want to go?"

"For starters I want to go above ground to hunt, when I want. I will share half of what I catch with the kitchen."

"Fine. Anything else?"

"Not currently no."

"Well, I have more meetings. Heavensbee, I trust you will take this over and further discuss all of our plans?"

He nods to her, and she gets up and hurriedly walks out of the room.

When the door closes, I feel the tension in my stomach ease.

"Well I'll be damned, you have got some fire in you, sweetheart." Haymitch chimes in, and I grin in response.

We spend hours going over what exactly we're going to be doing. Heavensbee wants us to shoot some Propos, which is short for propaganda. Which is where the strangers at the table come in. Cressida, Pollux, Castor and Messalla. They're going to be filming the propos, Cressida is a director and the rest of them are the cameramen. I would be lying if I said I'm not nervous about giving a big meaningful speech to 3 camera men, knowing it's got to move a whole nation.

Haymitch is here to basically mentor Peeta and me, he used to be a college professor so he's going to help us with speaking in front of big crowds, how to make it inspiring and real. Effie also happens to have a side job as a cosmetologist, she agreed to help with our hair, make-up and even costumes. I groaned inwardly when I heard this part, I argued against costumes but Heavensbee told me it was strictly for visual effect. That if I was dressed like a soldier it would be more real, and moving. Whatever, doesn't mean I'm happy about it.

Boggs will lead the squad when we actually go into battle. Gale and Finnick have also signed up to be a part of the squat. Our mission will be to get to President Snow's house and take out all his people. Guards, Friends, and even family. That part was hard to swallow. I imagined his granddaughter who was flaunted to the world when she was born, she can't be but 8 or 9 now.

Peeta will be at my side through it all. In the propos, when we storm the capitol. For that, I couldn't be happier, but I also couldn't be sadder. I'm glad he will be with me, to help me through it all, but in order to do that he will be in danger. I never wanted that for him. A part of me thought he'd stay here, wait for the war to be won.

Finally they let us leave, and I don't want to hear another word about it. I'm about to follow Peeta out the door, when I feel a hand grab my arm. I turn around and find Gale, looking at me with sad eyes. Peeta stops when he realizes I'm no longer behind him and turns around, and regards us questioningly.

"Go head, I'll meet you in my room." He nods and continues walking.

I turn back to Gale and give him an impatient look.

"What are you going to do when this is all over?"

"Well, let's not rush things. I don't even know if I'll live through it all. I accepted a very dangerous role, Gale."

"But what if you do, what would you do?"

"I would do what I always do, protect Prim."

"Who are you going to be with Katniss? Him? Or me?"

I am overwhelmed with this question. Gale or him? It's not like that, not with either of them. More importantly what right does he have asking it?

"That is the last thing on my mind Gale. All I have time to think about is how scared I am, for myself, for Prim, for you. For Peeta, for everyone in this country. How could I possibly have time to think about who I want to end up with? Let alone if I even want to be with something. Relationships aren't my thing. I've never wanted one, or marriage, or kids. You know that."

"The way you and Peeta are always wrapped up in each other tells me otherwise."

"That? Gale we're just friends-"The end of my sentence is cut off, when Gale takes my face in his hands, and pushes his lips against mine.

I thought it wouldn't feel any different from my kiss with Peeta, but I couldn't have been more wrong. I'm first to pull away, and when I do Gale looks hurt.

"I had to do that Katniss. Had to know what it feels like." He says under his breath, before he walks out of the room.

I decide to put off going to my room for a while. Seeing Peeta would only add to my mess of emotions. I am angry, at Gale for putting me in a position where I feel like I have to choose. I'm scared that I might die, fighting in this war. I'm scared everyone will die, and we lose this war. I'm scared of what will be left of the country if we do win. I'm grateful I have Peeta, but I'm scared of him, because of the feelings I have when I'm with him, and what they mean. What they can't mean. The thing I dread most, is that I am no longer capable to protect Prim by doing this. Sure I could have. I could have taken her deep into the woods, set up a camp and we could have lived, peacefully. But, how can I do that when there are people who are running, scared for their lives?

And that is why doing this is my only option. I risk myself, but if I succeed. I will be able to keep her safe for the rest of our lives, even if I die. She will stay protected. That's all the reassurance I need.

The walk back to my room is short, and when I walk in Peeta looks relieved. I sit next to him on the bed and rest my head on his shoulder.

"I was beginning to get worried."

"Really?"

"Nope. I knew if Gale and you got into a fight you would kick his ass." I grin at him before I fall back onto the bed, drifting off into a deep sleep.

I wake up to the sounds of multiple voices in my room, and notice that the curtain that separates the bedroom from the kitchen is closed. I have never closed it. When I open it, Peeta looks up and gives me a big smile. Everyone is here. My mom, Prim, Finnick, Annie, Haymitch, Effie and even Johanna. Well, almost everyone. Gale seems to be missing. Given our conversation earlier I understand why.

"What's this?"

"Well, sweetheart. After everything Heavensbee said it sounds like we have some rough weeks to come. So we decided to have this get together. Get to know each other before we hop into battle with each other." Haymitch answers.

I look back to Peeta knowing this was all his idea, and I'm again speechless at how caring he is. I don't deserve his friendship.

"Take a seat Katniss, dinner is almost ready." He says as he continues to move his attention from pot to pot.

I sit down so I'm facing him, and I feel my breathing quicken as his hands cut up some type of meat. Every piece is so precisely cut, and his hands do it so delicately. I'm biting my lip subconsciously and Johanna pulls me from my thoughts.

"Why don't you take a picture? It lasts longer." She says chuckling to herself.

It pulls Peeta's attention and when he looks towards us he sees I'm staring directly at him, and we both turn bright red.

Finally everything is ready and it tastes even more amazing then it smells. I hog the platter of cheese-buns and devour the lamb stew. It's pretty silent because we're all enjoying this meal. District 13 has a very small menu. Oatmeal and black coffee in the morning, soup for lunch, and beans with some kind of mystery meat for dinner.

"How did you manage to get your hands on this, Peeta?" Finnick asks.

"I begged Coin for a while. Told her we need to bulk up before we jump into a war, she was hesitant and said this food was strictly for special occasions. Weddings and funerals only.

"Not even on name days?" Annie asks.

Peeta shakes his head and everyone seems to be shocked, but I'm not. I've haven't done anything special on my name day since my dad died. Those were my favorite days. The final year of his life, it was my 14th name day and he had talked my mom into us all going to our secret river. Dad was teaching Prim how to swim. Though it didn't work, she was terrified of not being able to see beneath her, and even more freaked when I told her there was fish in the water.

"What about you, Katniss?" Peeta asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

"What about me?"

"What was the best meal you got on your birthday?"

"Oh, well my dad and I were able to get a cookie from your dad's bakery one time, it was really good."

I cringe at the silence I'm met with, and see my mother looking down at her plate.

"Darling, you're telling me you've never had a cake on your name day?" Effie asks sounding very appalled.

I shake my head, and there is a few more seconds of awkward silence before Peeta reaches over and wraps his hand around mine.

"This year, I'm going to make you the most amazing cake you've ever seen."

"Good luck trying to talk Coin into letting you do that." I reply, and everyone starts laughing and I find myself laughing as well.

Once we have said our goodbyes to everyone I'm exhausted. I don't think I've ever been more social in my life. Peeta pulls me against his chest, and I bury my face in him, inhaling his sweet scent. Like a walking bakery.

"Peeta, I care about all of those people." I whisper.

"I know, I do too." He whispers back, before placing a soft kiss on my head, and then we sink into oblivion.


	9. Chapter 9

I stretch in an attempt to shake the sleep from my body. I look over and I'm about to panic when I see Peeta is gone. I do not trust anyone here in 13 except for the people that came in here with me. I jump out of bed and I'm about to walk out of the door when I hear the shower running, and I relax.

 _Why am I so paranoid?_ I crawl back into bed and wait patiently for Peeta to come out. A few minutes go by before I hear the water turn off. I sit up in the bed and realize how dumb I'll look if he comes out and I'm just sitting here waiting for him, so I pull the book off of the nightstand and flip to a random page.

Peeta walks out of the bathroom and my mouth goes dry. His chest is bare and he has a towel wrapped around his waist. The muscles in his arms take me by surprise, I never imagined him to be so, _strong_. Water drips from his wet blonde curls and fall in smalls beads onto his chest, when his eyes register I'm awake, and looking directly at him, his eyes widen.

"Uh, didn't think you'd be up. I have no more clean clothes here, I was going to run over to my room and grab some."

"Like that?" I say teasingly, cocking my head to the side.

He blushes some and then looks down at himself.

"Do you think you could run over there?" he asks rather shyly.

I grin at him before I finally answer. "Yeah sure, I'll be right back."

I walk back into my room and find Peeta sitting on the bed, patiently waiting for his clothes. I extend my arm out, handing him his clothes. I'm about to pull my arm away when his hand grips onto my wrist and he pulls me forward. Our lips meet, and my body seems to know what it's doing before I do, because my thighs clamp onto his waist. I begin to push my fingers through his hair as our kiss deepens.

I'm lost in the kiss when I feel his hips buck upwards and directly into my center, causing a moan to escape my mouth.

It's just enough to make me come to realization of what's going to happen if we don't stop. I rest my hand on his chest, pushing him back a little, and our eyes meet. My mind is stirring with thoughts, and I feel dizzy.

"I'm-uh" I stutter.

He bites down on his lip before he gives me a small shy smile, reaching up he pushes a strand of fallen hair back behind my ear.

"Hey, it's okay. We don't have to do anything, I just really wanted to kiss you."

I feel a heat spread across my whole body and I close my eyes, resting my forehead against his. _You told Gale you didn't want to be with anyone, your actions aren't saying that!_

"Believe me, I wanted to kiss you too." I whisper.

I wrap my arms around his neck and he lays back onto the bed. We stay like that for a while. My legs wrapped around the sides of his waist. He slowly drags just one finger up and down my spine, and it makes my body come to life. Every hair on my body stands up, and my heart beats quickly.

My mind is yelling at me, to put an end to this. That I'm not meant to end up with anyone. That I might not even live, and if I don't that I should make the list of people I hurt as small as possible.

The door opening startles me and I whip my head around, but I am unable to get off of Peeta before they walk in.

My heart drops as in walks Johanna, and Gale right behind her.

"Well look what we have here, I didn't think you had it in you, brainless." Johanna smirks.

But I see no smirk from Gale, all I see is pure hatred, and I think it's directed at me. I climb off of Peeta, and clear my throat before I turn to face them.

"Gale-I." I stutter.

"President Coin requested a meeting with all of us, you knew the time to be there. Appears you were busy doing other things."

"You mean doing other people." Johanna snickers, and I shoot her a glare.

Peeta stands up, and awkwardly and announces he's going to get dressed.

"Well, it appears you two have some issues to talk about, so I'll see you all in the conference room. Make it snappy, Coin doesn't strike me as the patient type." Johanna says before leaving.

We stand there awkwardly for a few moments. Gale's eyes landing on everything but me.

"Please look at me."

Finally his eyes meet mine, and I'm surprised when I see tears in his eyes. It hurts me, but it makes me come to realization.

"Gale-"

I'm cut off when Peeta comes out of the bathroom, he glances between Gale and I.

"I can go and let you guys talk."

"No. I don't want to piss Coin off. We can have this conversation later." Gale replies.

The walk to the meeting is awkward and goes on forever. I let out a deep breath when we finally reach the door.

"Glad you guys could make it." Coin says as we sit down, clearly unhappy.

I fight the urge to roll my eyes and walk out of the room. I feel Peeta's hand squeeze my knee and I give him a small smile.

"So, Heavensbee has requested to take your squad out of District 13 and to District 12."

My first thought is excitement that I get to leave this hell-hole and go above ground. Breathe fresh air, hunt. That's where my excitement stops. I can only imagine how many more dead bodies are out there now. _Including Peeta's family!_

"No." I blurt out.

Heavensbee and Coin look at me questioningly.

"District 12 is where we all lived, I don't think seeing the ruins of it is what we need for motivation."

"That's what will make it more powerful, you will be emotional. You need to be emotional for people to get moved by it." Heavensbee replies.

"Fine, I'll go. With the camera crew and no one else, send them to a different district."

Heavensbee looks to Coin, awaiting permission, or so I assume.

"You will take her, Gale, Finnick, Cressida and Pollux to District 12. Peeta, Johanna, and the rest of the film crew go to District 8. It was reported there was some bombing there a few days ago, so there's only wounded left. No reason for the capitol to target it again."

 _No! Peeta stays safe in district 13._

"Peeta stays in District 13." I say sternly.

I feel his eyes on me, and I turn my head to him.

"I signed up for this too Katniss, I have to do this." He says, finalizing his decision.

I want to argue, but I know it will do no good. He's right, there is no reason he should stay here in District 13, as much as I want him to.

"So it's settled, you leave at lunch." Coin says as she stands up.

I look at the clock and I realize that's only two hours away. I grab Peeta's hand and begin to quickly walk, pulling him with me, not stopping until we reach my room.

Once we're in the room I flop onto the bed and pat next to me, and so he lays right next to me. I scoot closer to him, resting my head on his out stretched arm.

"I wish you were staying here." I whisper.

"I wish the same thing for you, but sacrifices have to be made." He whispers back.

"If these are my last few hours, and I get blown up in District 12, I'm glad they're with you."

He looks at me sadly before he pulls me close.

"Don't say things like that. We will be here together, in bed by midnight."

I smile at the thought and sit up slightly so I can leave a gentle kiss on his cheek. Then I wrap myself around him and stay like that until we hear a knock at the door.

I open up the door and find Haymitch.

"Ready, sweetheart?"

I nod, and turn back to Peeta who is already putting his shoes on.

xXxXxXx

The train we're riding in is huge. Just looking at it makes me nauseous and anxious. I've never even ridden in a car, let alone something that goes twice as fast. I find myself wishing Peeta was here with me. But he doesn't board his Train for another hour, and it's a completely different train and destination than mine. Maybe telling him to go to a different District was a bad idea. _Don't be selfish, he can't go back to District 12, he won't be able to handle it!_

I sigh as I slump into a seat, my thoughts begin to overwhelming me. I can't believe how much has changed since the virus outbreak, at the beginning of this our biggest threat was the infected, and they were barely a threat unless they were in a huge horde.

A lot has changed in my personal life too. I remembered the miserable pain grief brings. Friends have changed. 2 weeks ago I would have wanted and needed Gale at my side. Now it's Peeta. _What has changed Gale so much?_

I glance over at him and today he wears his apathetic face. That's when it hits me. Gale's family wasn't at District 13. How could I have been so stupid? He must hate me, and he has the right to. I've been so caught up in the rebellion and Peeta that I didn't even ask him if he was okay. I silently curse at myself.

I hear the engine of the train start and we lurch forward, and my stomach jumps. When we finally reach what I assume is our maximum speed, I walk over to Gale and sit next to him.

"Gale, I didn't even think about them. I am so horrible and I am so sorry."

When he looks at me, he still looks apathetic, but only for a second. Then I see nothing but sadness. So I pull him towards me and wraps my arms around him.

"I forgive you, Katnip." He whispers.

xXxXxXxX

The ride to District 12 is short. Only took half the day. It's almost dark when we arrive, so we decide to wake at the crack of dawn and shoot the propos then.

I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling for what feels like hours. Sleeping alone feels foreign.

I toss and turn a few more hours before I get up and wander around the train. I walk into the dining room and find Gale sitting at the table.

"Can't sleep either?"

His head turns and he smiles at me.

"Motion sickness, didn't think it was a real thing, but I can confirm first hand."

I laugh slightly, before sitting across from him. I clear my throat before I begin talking again.

"They're out there, Gale. I know your brothers, they would know exactly what to do. Just like you did." I say sympathetically.

He gulps before he answers. "I have hope, but I also have fear and right now, fear is overpowering the little bit of hope that I do have, and I don't know what to do about it Kat."

"Just be strong." I reply before standing back up.

"Can I walk you to your room?" he asks.

I nod and he stands. The walk back is short, and when we reach my door we stand looking at each other awkwardly. I reach my arm out and softly squeeze his arm, before I turn around and open the door, the door is almost closed when he calls out my name.

I freeze for a few seconds before I pull the door back open.

"Yeah?"

"Can I stay with you?"

The question overwhelms me, and I ponder the idea of what it would be like to sleep in Gale's arms.

"I don't think that's a good idea." I respond quietly.

There's a silence before he speaks again.

"Uh-Ya. Sorry, dumb idea. Goodnight." And then I hear footsteps growing further and further away.

I crawl into bed, and I don't know exactly why, but tears fill my eyes and fall onto my cheeks. When I was younger I always imagined Gale would be it for me, the one. That is if I ever decided a relationship is what I want. We would grow old enough and realize we were right for each other, but then Peeta came into my life, like a whirl wind. Messing up all of my plans. When I'm with him, I am consumed by my feelings for him.

Gale told me to make my choice, well I made it. Now I just have to tell Peeta, that it's him. That I pick him, and Gale was never an option. That yes I love him, but it could never be more than a friend.

I fall asleep with a smile on my face.


	10. Chapter 10

It's barely dawn when we step out of the train. The smell is nostalgic. Trees surround us, and I hear birds chirping. It makes my heart warm. I breathe out and smile when I see my breath in the air.

"Sweetheart? Let's go. We have some propos to make so we can get the hell out of this ghost town, it's giving me the creeps." Haymitch snaps at me.

We make our way through the woods, and reach the barbed wire fence that surrounds our District. I can see my apartment building from here. In just over a couple of weeks or so it has changed a lot. Half of the roof is completely obliterated due to the bombing. The wind blows and the smell in the air makes me gag.

"What is that horrid smell?" I hear Effie ask behind us.

Everyone stays silent, because we all know what the smell is. Rotting corpses. Based on how strong the smell is, there's a lot. I choke back my tears, and start walking into town.

We're approaching the town hall building when I hear something crunch under my feet. I look down expecting to find a tree branch, but I see small broken up white pieces. I kneel in front of it and take it my hands, studying it. I finally put it together, that it's a bone. Someone's bone. I shake my hands out, and sit back pulling my knees to my chest, I let out a sob.

My sob is louder than expected and everyone turns around. I don't look up, because I know the cameras are on me.

"Katniss, what is it?" Cressida asks me softly.

My body begins to shake and I hear someone approach me. Their hand rests on my back. I finally look up and I'm surprised when I find Haymitch next to me.

"Can you tell us what's wrong?"

I gulp, and sit back onto my knees and begin to pick up the small white pieces ever so delicately. When I have most of it picked up I open my hands to everyone. The camera zooms in on my hand.

"What is it, Katniss?" Cressida pushes me to answer.

"Bones." I reply.

I hear Effie gasps to the right of me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before I stand again.

"They are bones, of an innocent person. A person who was running for their lives! This, this is Snow's doing! This virus was put out into the world to wipe us off of the map, to rid the capitol of us once and for all. For years they have controlled us, killed us, and turned us into slaves! To them everybody out here means nothing, they will watch this and laugh. Well Snow, we're coming for you, and every single body we find out here, will result in 100 of your precious peacekeepers lives."

As the last word leaves my mouth, I fall back to my knees and rock back and forth sobbing into my hands.

"Cut." Cressida says.

I allow myself 3 minutes to cry, for myself. For these people who died. Then I stand back up, wipe my cheeks and press forward. We're about to turn down a road leading to houses when we hear something in the Town Hall building break. A second later I have an arrow pulled back and ready to fire. Gale, Haymitch and Cressida have their weapons pointed to the building as well. Finnick and Pollux stand back to back with us, watching behind us.

We see movement in a window downstairs and I move my aim to it. I'm about to let my arrow go when we hear someone yell, at first it comes out muffled. The second time it's clear as day.

"Gale!"

A look of confusion crosses Gale's face, and then he appears to register.

"Mom?" he yells, dropping his weapon and running towards the building.

I reach out to grab his wrist in case it's a trap, but he just barely slips away. The door opens and I steady my aim, and then a familiar face walks out. Mrs. Hawthorne herself, along with her 3 kids trailing behind her. I put my bow down and approach his family.

"Katnip!" Gale's little sister Posey yells running towards me.

I open my arms and hug her tightly, I'm looking straight ahead when a girl with blonde hair walks out of the building. I quickly push Posey behind me and pull out my arrow, aiming at her. The girl puts her hands in the air, and I study her face. _Why does she look so familiar?_

Mrs. Hawthorne steps in front of me.

"Katniss, that's Madge. The mayor's daughter, she's with us."

 _Oh._ I put my arrow back into its holder and approach her slowly.

"Sorry about that, just being cautious."

"No worries, I get it." She replies kindly.

"I hate to break this family reunion up so short but we just got word that there was trouble in District 8, we need to head back to the train and be on our way to District 13 now." Haymitch announces.

"District 13? There is no district 13." Madge says.

I grab her hand and begin walking.

"We'll explains everything when we get there we need to move, now."

I break into a run my heart beating quickly. _What kind of trouble? Please let Peeta be okay..I need him._

I storm into the train and find Boggs sitting at one of the tables, a troubled look on his face. I stomp over to him.

"Boggs, what is it?"

"Katniss, let's wait for everyone else to get here, I don't want to repeat myself."

I slam my hand down on to the table, my voice rising. "Boggs, what is it!"

"When they got to District 8 peacekeepers were there. Waiting for them. They-they took him Katniss. They took him, and Johanna."

I step backwards reaching for something to grab on to, but end up falling back. I lay on the ground clutching at my chest. This pain is nothing I've ever felt before. I feel as if someone just hit me square in the chest with a metal bat. _Took him? He's gone? It can't be._

I see people walking into the train out of the corner of my eyes, though its blurry due to the tears filling my eyes. I hear muffled yelling. Everything is in slow motion. Gale kneeling next to me, asking me what happened. Haymitch yelling at Boggs, questioning him. _Gone._ When my breathing slows down some, I kneel gripping on to the table and struggle to get up, and when I'm up, I scream. Scream like there isn't a room full of people. I push my fingers into my hair, and begin roughly pulling at it.

People run forward, pulling my hands from my head. They're yelling for someone to do something. Finally someone walks forward with something in their hand, I feel a small pinch in my arm, and then..

 _Falling.. I'm falling. Darkness. There's a light, I can almost grab it, another pinch.. darkness.. oblivion._

It is an endless cycle of light, falling, darkness, and then finally it stops, and I awake with a horrible pain in the back of my head. I try to reach behind me to touch the painful area, but when I pull my arm up something digs into my wrist. I blink my eyes, trying to adjust the bright lighting. My vision is fuzzy for a few seconds, but I'm finally able to focus on my wrist, and see that I am handcuffed to the bed.

I hear a voice call my name, and I turn to see Prim in a chair next to me, a tear slides down my face.

"Prim." I barely croak out.

"Hey, I'm here Katniss. Welcome back."

 _Welcome back? Where have I been?_ Then it all hits me, like a train. I was in District 12. Peeta is gone. I lost it. I'm not in a hospital. I have a concussion from when I feel back I hit my head on the corner of a table. _Peeta is gone._

"Peeta?"

Prim looks down at her feet sadly. "They still have him."

I push my head back against the pillow and push down a sob that aches to escape.

"Is he alive?" I barely whisper.

Instead of answering she picks up a small device and presses a button. I gasp when I see his face pop up onto the screen. He's dressed in capitol clothing, but other than that he looks fine. My hand aches to touch his face. I suck in a breath when he begins talking.

"My name is Peeta Mellark. As you might have seen from some footage, I was with the rebellion. I came to my senses, and I fled District 13 to the capitol. Where they took me in, fed me, clothed me, and forgave me. I would like to ask for a cease fire. We cannot afford another war. There will be nothing left, so lay down your weapons, and pledge your loyalty to the capitol. President Snow has been gracious enough to put this behind us, and let us live on in peace."

 _How could he say that?_

"How long have I been asleep Prim?"

"About 9 days."

 _9 days, he has been in the capitol. All the things they could do to him in 9 days, and I'm locked up in a hospital?_

"When did that air?"

"3 days ago."

"3 days and no one has been sent out a rescue mission for him?" I yell.

I see people enter the room, and my eyes land on Haymitch, Gale and Boggs.

"Why haven't you gone to get him? Let me out of this damn hospital I need to get to him" I scream at them.

"You need to calm down, Katniss. Coin said that as soon as we have an open window, we will go and extract him. We can't just go in there guns blazing, we're not ready. We don't have the numbers, the only way we're going to get him is if we send a small group, and stealthily."

The monitor next to me begins to beep loudly as my heart rate rises.

"We go now! Or I will no longer lead this! I will leave myself and go and get him-"

I'm cut off when a warm feeling shoots up my arm, momentarily distracting me. I'm about to start yelling again, but my mouth and mind don't seem to work, at least not together. I manage to slur out a few words, before darkness surrounds me once again.


	11. Chapter 11

I don't know how many days pass. Every day is the same. I emerge from the darkness, and I find someone new in the room. One day it's Prim, the next it's Gale. They tell me the same story. Peeta was captured, there is no rescuing him. They no longer know if he's alive, they show me a video that aired a week ago. That was the last footage they saw of him. When the video finishes, without fail every time I break down. I begin to fight, try to escape. Try to run to him, to save him. I have to, it's all my fault. I'm the one who suggested he went to District 8, when he should have stayed here.

Today I decide not to fight it. I stay calm when they explain everything to me. I can't help him if I keep fighting and prolong my stay in this room. The day goes by slow. Prim comes around dinner time and makes me eat. Haymitch stops by, and tells me there is no update on Peeta.

"The past week has really put a damper on the rebellion. Everyone is growing less and less hopeful. They've only seen your one propos, and then they all saw Peeta in the capitol. The video made them question their reasoning for fighting, and the end result. It's not good."

"It's all my fault." I whisper.

Haymitch reaches out, resting his hand on mine and I fight the urge to flinch away.

"It's not your fault, Katniss. You're a 16 year old girl, you can't control the whole entire world."

"I told Peeta to go to District 8. I can't handle what happened to him, so I've been chained to a hospital bed, and drugged up. I'm the one who's making the rebellion die down, by not being out there doing things. Giving people hope. I just can't knowing he's-"I choke out a sob, leaving my sentence unfinished.

Haymitch stands up, scooting me over before lying next to me. He wraps his arm around me, and holds onto me tightly.

"You know what Peeta would say? He would say to stop worrying, and that he's just one person. That there are thousands out there who need to be saved, and you're the only one who can do that. He would say, if getting caught and having whatever the president's doing to him, meant you got to be safe, he'd willingly go to the capitol."

I feel my shoulders shake and tears spill onto my cheek, because I know that is exactly what he would say.

"Please, just help me get through this. Help me get him back." I plead.

"I will, I promise."

A few hours later Boggs enters my room.

"Everdeen, looks like you're officially being released." He says as he steps forward, pushing a key into the lock keeping me handcuffed to bed.

My hand drops and I look at my wrist and grimace. There's dried up blood in the areas where the handcuffs cut into my skin, most likely from me fighting to break free of them.

"I'll send a nurse in to clean that up to prevent from infection. Other than that, you're free to go."

I wander around District 13 for a while. Prolonging the inevitable dread I will feel when I walk into my room. Though I can't walk around forever because people are giving my strange looks, probably because I haven't bathed in over a week. So I drag myself up the stairs.

I stall in front of my room for minutes, or hours, I cannot say exactly how long. Eventually I find the courage to open the door, and when I do a lingering smell finds my nose. _Cheese-buns._ The smell is my undoing, I am able to take one step into the room before I collapse to my knees and sob uncontrollably.

The absence of him clings to me and threatens to suffocate me, and a part of me wants that. But instead I eventually pass out because a loud ringing wakes me up.

I groan loudly as the ring makes my head throb. I drag myself across the room, and pick up the phone, bringing it down to my ear.

"Katniss?" I hear Prim's voice come through.

"I'm here."

"Are you okay? Do you want me to come over to watch it with you?"

"Watch what?" I ask, my mind spinning.

"Peeta, he's on TV, Katniss."

I drop the phone jumping to my feet. I run into the bedroom and pick up the remote and click the TV on, and I feel weak when the image appears on the screen.

I see him, sitting in a chair. Only it's not him, not my Peeta. This guy is small, too small. Dark circles under his eyes, his cheek bones stand out, he's dressed in all white, and his skin almost matches it. _What are they doing to you?_ My mind screams. I reach my hand out and touch the screen ever so gently. The camera flicks to someone else. _Caesar Flickerman._ The capitols most famous talk show host.

"Peeta, what about Katniss? Is she being held against her own will to say those things?" and Peeta nods his head in reply.

 _No, don't lie. Don't lie to protect me, please._

"But you saw those propos, Peeta. She looked like she meant everything she said, how can you trust her?"

Peeta gulps before replying. "Because I love her, I've always loved her."

I gasp as the words leave his mouth, and my heart sings to him, _I love you._

"Will you still love her if she goes through with the rebellion, causes a war? Gets thousands killed?"

Instead of replying to Caesar he looks to the camera.

"They're coming Katniss! You're all going to die, you need to get out of there, take your sister and run Kat! I love you." There's yelling in the background, and the camera goes off, but you can still hear. Then the yelling stops, there's a a thumping sound, and a scream.

I'm running to my mother and sisters room before the audio cuts out too. I'm barely out the door when there's a loud alarm going off, and blinking red lights. A crowd comes towards me, and pushes me back down the stairs, I try fighting but I lose my footing and I find myself laying on a step, and scream as people's feet slam into my ribs, hip, and head, pushing me into the step. I cover my neck, and brace myself. Minutes later, I feel someone grab my arm.

"Come on, sweetie!" a stranger yells through the loud blaring.

"No, my sister and my-" I'm cut off when a guard comes running down the stairs, when he sees me he stops, picks me up throwing me carelessly over his shoulder and continues running down the stairs with me. I'm banging on his back, screaming for him to let me go.

He doesn't set me down until we reach the bunker on the very lowest level of this place, and I hear her voice.

"Katniss!"

I whip around and see Gale, my mother and Prim standing there. I quickly walk forward, and open my arms as I reach them, throwing them around them all.

"How did you guys get down here so quick?"

"We were in Gale's room, only two levels above this."

I let out a sigh of relief and intertwine my fingers with Prim and start walking towards the bunk beds that fill the room. We stand in line for some time awaiting to be assigned to a bed.

When we're finally laying down Prim is asleep within seconds, but I don't have such luck. I slowly climb out from under the blankets, and walk around until I see someone I know, _Finnick._ When his eyes meet mine he pats the spot next to him. I sigh as I sit down.

"Can't sleep?" he asks.

I shake my head in response.

"I wouldn't be able to sleep either if the person I loved was in the capitol." He says softly.

"When did you know you loved Annie?" I whisper.

He seems to ponder my question, and I see a faint smile on his lips.

"It took me awhile. One day we were just lying in bed together and I realized how real my feelings were. She crept up on me."

I blink the tears from my eyes. "How do you know I love him?"

"I didn't for a while. It was obvious something was there between Gale and you when we were still in District 12. Then I saw the footage of you guys out there in the woods by yourselves, and I saw hints of it. I didn't know for sure until we heard the news about Peeta, and I saw what a mess you were. I remember thinking that is exactly how I would react if Annie had been taken."

"I miss him so much, Finnick." I whisper, my voice breaking at the end.

I feel his arm wrap around me, and I lean into his shoulder. "We're going to get him back, Katniss."

As his sentence finishes we hear a loud crash, and everything begins to shake. I jump up and run back to our bunk, and find Prim sitting up, still blinking sleep from her eyes.

I sit down next to her and pull her against me.

The night is long, and no one sleeps. The bombing goes on for a few hours, and when it stops we're all too shaken up to sleep again. Coin decided it would be safest for us all to stay here another night incase they're not done. I lay in bed staring at the bunk above me. Laying here, that's all I seem to be doing.


	12. Chapter 12

The next day is slow. We've all resumed our daily schedules again and mine is boring to say the least. I've been trying to get a meeting with President Coin, or at least Heavensbee to discuss Peeta. I'm turned down every time. They've also not said anything about propos, or the rebellion.

I almost feel like the infected. My body is on earth, but that's the only thing present. My mind is with Peeta, and all the days we shared. I replay them in my head. I never want to forget the crease that forms in the middle of his forehead when he's thinking too hard. Or the way his eyes light up when he's baking. All I have is time to think about him.

A knock on the door pulls me from my thoughts and I jump up and open it. Haymitch stands before me a wide grin on his face.

"They're sending a group to go get him Katniss, today. The capitol's been blinded, rebels grouped together from all the Districts and destroyed their main power source it's the perfect opportunity."

The words knock the air out of my lungs, and I almost fall over. It doesn't seem real, and I begin to question if it is. _What if I'm just dreaming?_

When I feel Haymitch's rough hand wrap around my arm, I look up and I see a hint of worry in his eyes.

"Sweetheart, you alright? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

I nod slowly before answering. "I'm excited, I just can't get my hopes up. It's a dangerous mission."

Haymitch sighs and lightly squeezes my arm.

"I know, but have hope. Hope is the only emotion greater than fear."

"Who's going to get him? I need to go with, I'm the one who's pushed so hard for this."

"You're not the only one who fought for him Katniss. It was volunteer only, 6 people. They just left, guess who signed up."

"Gale." I breathe out. _Of course he did._

"I can bring you to Beetee, we can listen to the whole mission."

I agree and when we reach the room Haymitch was talking about. I see 6 soldiers on the main screen, Gale, Boggs, and 4 strangers.

I watch as they drop into the building Peeta is said to be in. There is complete blackness on every screen, and all you can hear is the stomp of their feet as they run, and their breaths. It seems to go one forever, darkness, and the same sounds. Finally they reach a door, and throw something into it before they enter.

Finally they swing the doors open, and every screen goes white. We can't hear them, just a loud ringing noise. I feel my heart drop into my stomach, and I run forward to the screen and touch it.

"Beetee, what happened?" I yell.

Instead of a response I hear fast typing, and then the white fades and in front of them is what appears to be a hundred infected, staring directly at them.

Someone bursts into the room, and I turn around and find Coin.

"Tell them to come back, _now!"_

 _No..You can't leave Peeta, please._

Before they get the chance to leave, the horde rushes forward and there chance is gone. Someone fires, and then the room is filled with gunshots, and the sound of bullets sinking into their target. More loud bangs, more bodies fall, but it never appears to be enough. It won't be long till they're over powered, and I begin crying. _Not you too Gale, don't make me lose you too._ I fall to my knees and Haymitch rushes forward, attempting to pick me up, and failing. I rock back and forth on the ground sobbing for a long while before someone throws me over their shoulder.

Hours later I wake up in my room, and as soon as my mind registers what happened I begin crying. But a movement in the kitchen pulls my attention, and I jump up flicking on the light, and I can't quiet comprehend how he's here but he is. _Gale?_

"Hey Katnip, I didn't want to wake you."

"Am I dreaming?"

He smiles, but it doesn't meet his eyes.

"What is it Gale?"

"He's in bad shape. He's in ICU in the infirmary, go see him."

Tears slip down my cheeks, and I pull Gale into a quick hug before I run to the infirmary. I have so many questions for Gale, but right now all I want to do is feel Peeta's arms around me. When I reach the intensive care unit I see Boggs and Haymitch talking lowly to each other.

"Hey sweetheart." Haymitch says when his eyes find me. "He's in there."

I turn to the room and my heart begins to race. _I'm actually going to be with you again. What do I even want to say first?_

Slowly I walk towards the room, when I push the door open I see two doctors in front of him, sticking things in his ear, and shining lights in his eyes. I hear Haymitch behind me telling them to give us some privacy, and they immediately retreat. I walk forward, and don't stop till I'm standing in front of him.

A gasp escapes my lips when I see him. Dark purple circles cover his eyes, and he looks so small and fragile. I reach my hand out to touch him, but I drop it not wanting to hurt him anymore.

"Peeta." I whisper.

His eyes meet mine, but they're not his eyes. They're blood shot, and the kindness and purity I used to see in them before is gone. He jumps down from the bed and brings his hands up, and I think he's going to hug me, so I open my arms. But I was so very wrong, his hands reach for my neck and latch on to it, cutting off my wind pipe. I look at him with wide eyes, and all I can think is _why?_ His grip tightens and he slams me into the wall behind us. I try to scream for help, but nothing comes out. I bring one of my hands down on his inner elbow, and manage to get away from him, but as I run for the door he grabs my hair, and I slam into a tray of what I assume is doctors equipment. The clatter is enough to raise alarm, because Haymitch runs in, and finds Peeta on top of me, strangling me. He tries to pull him off, but it's no use. He's attached himself to me, and he's not letting go until I'm dead.

My vision is beginning to blur at the edges, going black. I begin to drift, and I almost feel okay with dying this way. A loud thud pulls me back, and suddenly I can breathe again. Someone picks me up, but I fall into the darkness anyways. Where the person I love, isn't trying to kill me.

I wake to a familiar room. I look down and see an IV in my arm, and I'm about to call out to someone, only when I try nothing comes out. Just a lot of pain around my neck. I move my arms to feel my neck, but I'm met with something soft and cushion like, and then I see movement out of the corner of my eye.

"Don't touch that, and don't try to talk." Boggs says.

Next to him sits Prim, Haymitch and Heavensbee. _Where's Peeta? Why did he do this to me?_

"They hijacked him." Heavensbee says, knowing what I want to ask.

 _Hijacked?_ The word is familiar, and it slowly comes back to me. I learned in History during the rebellion the Capitol created a serum that made people hallucinate, and whilst they were hallucinating they tortured them. They erased who the person was, and made them into someone totally different. They then sent them back out to the rebels, and got all their intel from the hijacked people. Then when they'd have enough info, they would give the person one final dose of the serum, and they killed as many people in the rebel camps as they could. Then they too were killed.

"And because they weren't sure the last shot of the serum was enough for him to kill you, they shot him up with the virus. He's infected. So his first instinct any time he sees you is to kill you." Haymitch explains.

"Why just her?" Prim asks.

"We think most of the hallucinations were revolved around her. We've tested it, he doesn't want to kill anyone else. Just her. The hallucinations changed who you were to him, maybe to someone dangerous. Someone who needs to be dead."

My lungs feel like they're collapsing. I want to sob, but the pain in my throat is too strong. So all I can do is lay here and look at the ceiling.

"We can get him back though can't we?" Prim says quietly.

"We've never met someone who survived being hijacked." Heavensbee replies, before he walks out of the room.

Maybe if I just saw him, talked to him, he could be reminded that he loves me. That I love him. _Don't be stupid, he already saw you and he almost killed you._

I curl into a ball on the bed, and let my tears fall silently.


	13. Chapter 13

It's been 3 weeks since my world was torn apart. I thought the virus breaking out tore it apart, but I was sadly mistaken. Hearing that the Peeta I knew, and grew to love was gone, destroyed me. The rebellion has been fired back up, and we attack the capitol tomorrow.

I've been spending as much time with Prim as possible. I don't want to leave her. _But I must._ The plan is simple. Our squad will be one of the last ones to go in, when most of the fighting is done. Our mission is to kill President Snow, and come home. At least that is what Coins says her plan for us is, but she has something much different planned that she didn't tell the rest of the squad. We're going to kill Snow like the original plan, but after that, I'm not coming back. I'm going to die out there.

Boggs filled me in on Coin's little plan, and I'm sad to say I wasn't surprised. Snow and Coin aren't much different. They both want me dead, because I apparently hold too much power over the people. I would be lying if I said I didn't half agree with her plan. A part of me died when I knew Peeta would never love me again. That part doesn't want to go on another day without him. But there will always be a part of me fighting to live, for Prim.

I can't leave her, she's gone through too much and she's so young. My decision has been made. The only way I will willingly die, without a fight, is if it's Peeta who kills me. It has to be him.

That way I die knowing that there is not an ounce of him left in there, which loves me.

I fall asleep feeling the most okay I've felt since the last night Peeta and I shared together.

When I wake I can already hear the chaos outside my small room as everyone preps for battle. I can't bring myself to go out there yet, as I imagine how many faces I'm going to see, that I will never see again after the fighting is done.

I finally bring myself to shower. Once I'm dressed there is a knock on the door and I open it to find Peeta. When his blue eyes meet mine I feel all the air in my lungs escape me. _Please, come back to me._ My mind screams. My eyes fall to his lips and I find myself wandering, _what if? What if he's just one kiss away from coming back to me?_

"Are you ready? We have some final plan adjustments to go over with the squad and Coin before we head out."

I nod and follow him to the conference room we've been to so many times. As I sit down it starts to hit me that this may be the last time I ever sit here. At least Peeta's by my side, even if he hates me.

"We've been informed by some of the fighters that are out there right now on the outskirts of the Capitol that Snow has the whole capitol rigged. Certain areas have different mutations." Coin says in astonishment.

"Mutations, what do you mean?" Gale asks.

"Do you remember jabberjay's from your history lesson? They were mutts made by the capitol. Sounds like they've made more, only difference is they're deadly mutts." Heavensbee says grimly.

"Good, so we won't even be killing people." Gale says sternly.

I glare at him.

"Good? There is nothing good about a war. It's even worse, because now they have an army twice the size of ours. Sure we'll kill the mutts but when we get to President Snow's compound, that's where all of his peacekeepers are going to be, waiting for us. We'll already have lost so many people to mutts, we'll be tired and weak. How is that good, Gale?" I spit.

He looks down at the table, and I see guilt cross over his face. I shoot my eyes to Coin and she looks at me apathetically.

"What are you not telling us?"

"People volunteered, and I've been ordering all soldiers for a few weeks now who do patrols outside to collect all roamers, we have hundreds locked away. We're going to let them loose in the capitol, let them trigger some of the mutts and then the volunteers will go in after, it will overwhelm the mutts and they should be able to kill most of them while there attention is on the infected."

I stand, heat rising in my body. "They're going to get slaughtered and you know it!" I yell.

"They knew what they were signing up for, Katniss." I hear Gale reply.

"Yeah, well we didn't." Peeta says sharply.

I glance towards Peeta's direction. _Why does he care? Unless.._

Coin stands folding her hands In front of her. "Time to move out Squad 451."

"I never agreed to watch people get slaughtered. I knew we would lose people, but not like this."

Coin narrows her eyes at me. "People die in times of war, Katniss. They're making a sacrifice for the greater good. They will go down in history as heroes who made it possible for us to win this war."

"They should be going down in history as people who believed in freedom, fought for it, went to war and came home to their loved ones. We need to find another way."

She lets out a sigh, and when she speaks her words come out as cold as ice. "There is no other way. You will get on the train, you will go to the capitol, and you will kill Snow. Or I will kill you right here, right where you stand, I don't have time to argue. None of us do."

Peeta stands next to me and I feel his hand close around my arm I look to him and I think I see hint of the old him in his eyes.

"Let's just go, Katniss." I want to smack his hand off of me, yell at him. The Peeta I knew would have never been okay with this, he would have rather die here then let innocent people die. I yank my hand away and stomp out of the room and to the trains.

I find Prim and my mother standing there, grim faces. I walk up to them and pull them both into my arms. When we finally part tears stream down my mother's cheeks, but Prim looks at me proudly. I plant small kisses on their foreheads when Prim calls to someone behind me.

I turn and see Peeta approaching us, he smiles brightly at Prim and I feel my heart swell.

"If there's any part of you that still loves her Peeta, please protect her." Prim says, looking directly at him.

He nods before turning around and disappearing into the train. I turn back to them and give them one last final hug before turning around, walking to the train, never looking back before I step on to it.


	14. Chapter 14

**Side note: Thank you so much for the reviews, they mean a lot and give me the push I need to continue writing xoxo**

I sit across from Peeta, looking at him as he draws, how precise all his strokes are. I don't know why, but my own words come back to me. _The only way I will willingly die, is if it is by Peeta's hand._ Then Boggs words come back to me, how Coin wants me dead, and it all clicks. This is her way, _Peeta._

No leader would put the greatest weapon against the face of her own rebellion on the same squad. _Unless, she was going to kill the face with the weapon._ I look over to Boggs who seems to have his eyes locked on Peeta and I, and it confirms my suspicions. I pull my knees to my chest protectively.

"Are you going to watch me all day?" Peeta asks, looking up at me.

"It's weird, it's like you're almost you, but not quite."

"The only difference is I don't love you." I feel a sharp pain in my chest as the words leave his mouth.

I slowly stand up, and walk to my room, flopping on the bed and letting out a frustrated scream. His words swim around in my head, taunting me. _I don't love you._ A knock on my door startles me, and I reluctantly pull myself from the bed, and walk over to it, pulling the door open only a few inches. I'm surprised when I find Peeta.

"Can I come in?"

"Are you going to try and kill me again?"

He looks down at the floor, and I feel guilty for a moment, so I decide to open the door and let him in. He stands awkwardly before walking in, sitting on the end of my bed.

"Do you know why you're here Peeta?" I whisper.

His eyes meet mine, and I see fear in them.

"She wants me to kill you, she didn't say it out loud but she didn't have to. I knew." He replies in a low voice.

Tears puddle in my eyes, and spill onto my cheek, and before it can reach the bottom of my cheek, his soft finger brushes it away.

"I won't let that happen. Which is why you're going to have to kill me, Katniss."

The words knock the air form my lungs.

"I will not."

He looks down at his hands, that appear to be shaking, and fear strikes me. What if he's having an episode? What if he kills me right now? Before I even get to kill Snow. In one swift move he's coming towards me, I close my eyes and I embrace my death. Only it doesn't come. Instead his arms have trapped me as he buries his face in my neck.

"They come back, in flashes. My love for you. Moments spent together. In the woods, in your room. Growing up. Everyday our eyes met, and I never had the courage to talk to you. Not until the outbreak." He whispers as tears fall down his face.

His words move me, and my hearts beats so loudly it's bound to come out of my chest. I free my arms from his tight grip, and wrap them around his neck, pushing my lips against his. I'm met with a deep groan from him, as he stands, lifting me up with him. I tightly wrap my legs around his waist, and I blush from head to toe as I feel him pressed against my center, growing hard.

I look up into his eyes as he lays me on my back, and begins pulling his own shirt off. I pull him back down against me, kissing him greedily. I groan as he pulls away from my lips.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he whispers.

I nod, and it's all the encouragement he needs. I giggle against his lips as his fingers slip under my shirt, pushing it slowly up my body. I sit up as he pulls it off, and blush as he looks at my bare chest. A part of me wants to grab my shirt and run, forget this. But a deep pulling ache in my lower stomach keeps me planted where I lay.

For a while we're a mess of quiet moans, soft kisses, and slight grinding. I finally grow frustrated, and begin pushing his pants off of him. I see him watching me from the corner of my eye, and I grow more flustered, he chuckles lightly before standing up, pushing his pants and boxers off. I bite my lip as he springs free, and I'm taken back slightly at how big he is. My stomach stirs at the sight of him.

When his eyes find mine on him he blushes a deep red, and I can't help but laugh. He grins at me, and it is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on, he moves his body back over me and when I feel him pressed against my entrance, I let out a soft coo. I push my head back as his lips touch every inch of my neck.

"Is it okay if I-"he whispers, and I nod quickly in reply desperate for his touch.

The feeling when his fingers press against me is indescribable. A moan loud enough for everyone on the train to hear escapes my lips. I'm lost in the moment of his touch, when I feel one of his fingers push into me. The feeling is foreign at first, but when I'm finally relaxed, I want more.

"Another." I whisper into his ear, leaving soft kisses on his neck.

And he obliges, slowly pushing a second into me, holding them there until I'm comfortable enough. When I nod, he begins to pull them out, before pushing them back in and my body tingles in places I did not know it could. He continues, quickening his pace when a feeling pushes through my body, it's overwhelming and calming at the same time, I'm yelling out his name as my body shudders, and when I'm finally still his eyes are on me and I'm blushing even more.

"Sorry." I whisper shyly.

"Don't be, that was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

His words make me smile, and we move slightly, placing him at my entrance. I look down and feel butterflies in my stomach as I imagine all of him entering me. I finally look up at him, and he's looking at me questioningly, I nod. A second later, he pushes his hips forwards burying himself inside me, and I cry out, as I feel him stretch me. I quickly grab a hold of his hips holding him there as I try to adjust.

It's an awkward few seconds, and finally I am comfortable and when he pulls out, it does not hurt. Then he thrusts into me again, and this time it feels good. He continues for a few minutes, when suddenly his thrusts grow quicker, more frantic. Harder. I'm moaning into his neck as he pushes in and out of me, and the way he's saying my name pushes me over board, my back arches as I release again, and he quickly pulls out, stroking himself quickly as he finishes on my stomach. I blush before pulling him back down against me, kissing a trail up his neck.

"I love you, Peeta."

He sucks in a breath at my words, before our lips clash again.


	15. Chapter 15

A loud bang on the door makes me groan, and I block my eyes as sun pours into my room. I pull myself from bed and walk to the door, pulling it open.

I'm met with Boggs, Gale and Finnick. Their eyes widen and I'm about to ask what's wrong, when I feel someone come from behind, wrapping a blanket around me. I turn around, and last night starts to come back to me. Then I look down, and realize without the blanket I was naked. My face floods with heat, and I imagine my face is crimson red, I turn around quickly heading into the bathroom.

I quickly dress and when I walk out of the bathroom all of them are seated at the table, and I'm distracted as Peeta stands serving coffee with a low hanging towel wrapped around his waist.

"Good morning, Katniss." Finnick says with a grin, and I reply with a scowl.

I look at Gale, and his eyes don't meet mine. They stay planted on his hands in front of him. I want to say something to him, but then again. _Why should I? I am not his, and he is not mine._ I shrug it off, and plant myself at the table.

"So, what's the morning visit for, Boggs?"

"'We're on the outskirts of the capitol, just going over the plan one last time is all."

I nod and take a bite into the bagel Peeta has laid out for me, and coo as it warms my mouth. Peeta grins at me arrogantly.

"In about an hour we're going to let the infected and volunteers flood through the main road to President Snow's compound, we'll follow shortly after."

Anger fills my body. Anger that I have to go through with such a plan. Anger that I allowed myself to forget. Peeta sits down next to me, resting his hand on my thigh and it is enough to distract me. My head becomes fuzzy, and I'm a mess of smiles.

We spend the next hour or so talking about everything in detail. When they finally leave, the moment I shut the door Peeta strides across the room, pushing his lips against mine. When we part my breaths are hard and uneven.

"I've been wanting to do that since I woke up." Peeta whispers.

I reply with another kiss.

"I love you."

His eyes light up at my words and he flings me over his shoulder carrying me to the bed.

"Say it again." He says, in complete awe.

"I love you." I whisper leaving soft kisses on his face.

The selfish part of me wants to stay in this room. Never leave it. Let other people do all the fighting, and we can stay right here in our own little bubble. But that's not me, and that's not Peeta either.

The dreadful knock on our door pulls our attention away from each other. I pull open the door, and Cressida gives me a forced smile. Peeta walks up behind me and we interlock our fingers together, following Cressida.

We step off the train, and I suck in a breath of air, it's cold but refreshing.

I hear several loud pops, and I look in the direction it's coming from, the capitol. I try to push the thought of the amount of people dying in there right now out of my mind. Peeta's squeezing my hand reassuringly but all I can manage is a small sad smile. _How did we end up here Peeta?_

Boggs steps in front of us clearing his throat.

"We move out in five minutes, Squad. I would just like to say before we do, that I would not rather go in to this with any other soldiers. I have not known many of you long, but you're good people, and good soldiers. It's not going to be easy, but we're going to do this. So here's to the victory to come."

We all nod to his words.

Someone touches my arm I turn and find Finnick.

"Can I talk to you guys?"

I look to Peeta and he gives a slight shrug before we follow him back on to the train.

"Are you okay, Finnick?"

He nods fidgeting with his fingers in front of him, his eyes not meeting ours. I reach out, resting my hand on his arm.

"Finnick, whatever it is you can tell us."

Finally his eyes meet mine. "If I don't make it, I need you to take care of Annie. I know you guys don't know her well, but she's had such a hard life. She'll lose it if I die out there, and I need someone to make sure she holds it together, for our child."

It's in that moment that it hits me that none of us might make it. Or maybe one of us. Any one of us could die today at any moment. I try to respond but nothing positive comes to mind. Luckily Peeta knows exactly what to say as always.

"Hey, we promise if that happens we will take good care of her, but don't be thinking like that. You're going to make it home, and you're going to see your child be born." He says, smiling at him.

Finnick grins and I notice how handsome he really is. Boggs comes in looking at us, and we all stand, following him off the train, and possibly to our death.

xXxXxXxXxX

My heart pounds in my chest as I awake to darkness. I move and a sharp pain shoots through my body. I freeze when I hear the sound of breathing next to me. How did I get here? I start to panic, but I feel a familiar stream of something cold shoot up my arm, and I drift.

I'm dreaming, I'm in the capitol. I stand in front of Snow's compound, children stand in front of me. Scared, cold. My eyes tear up for them, and then something is flying ahead, they look like roses. White ones, exactly like the ones President Snow wears. The kids reach to the sky, in awe at their beauty, but something is not right.

The flowers spring open revealing a needle, and for a moment there is silence. Everyone filled with curiosity. And then the needles extend and lodge into people's skin, screams fill the air and bodies begin dropping. A crowd roars from behind me, with District 13 written on their uniforms. They've come to help. My eyes land on bright blonde hair, reminding me of Prim.

A sudden movement takes my eyes from the blonde girl, when a body that was on the ground seconds ago, rises. The girl waddles back and forth, and then more stand all around her. I'm confused trying to piece everything together, when the girl walks forward, sinking her teeth into the young girl whose hair is so much like Prim. The girl turns, in an attempt to run away, my knees feel weak when I register, it is my innocent, beautiful, Prim. Quickly she becomes surrounded, I lose sight of most of her, except for the top of her golden hair. I hear her screams. I begin to run forward, I'm still a great distance away when I feel arms wrap around my waist, I scream fighting to reach her. The ache in my chest unbearable.

"You're not dead." I manage to get out. Attempting to spring free of the arms around me, desperately. I hear his voice in my ear.

"We need to go, now. More of them are rising." I sob at his words. _No, Peeta. She can't be dead._

I awake screaming, her name on my lips.

"It's not true." I sob to myself, in complete darkness.

The light flips on and Peeta stands there, a look in his eyes indescribable, and in that moment I know. It is real, she is gone.

I look down at my arm, ripping the needle out, and slashing at my wrist, he runs forward and I lay back, as blood pours out of my wrist. I pass out, hoping it was deep enough.


	16. Chapter 16

_I meant to post another chapter a couple days after the cliffhanger, but I just moved across the country, so sorry for the delay guys! xoxo_

I groan as I emerge from darkness, blinking sleep from my eyes. I flinch away from the figure standing next to me.

"I need to check your stiches honey, don't fight it." I hear a soft voice say sadly.

I sigh as I extend my arm, allowing the nurse to take the bandage off.

"I need to get some new bandages, I'll be right back." She says hurriedly as she walks out of the room.

I look down at the long gash down my arm that has been stitched up. I could end this right now. I could be with her again, and not just with her in my dreams. I could hear her laugh again.

"Don't leave me."

I jump at the words and look up and find Peeta standing in the door way. A beautiful bouquet of flowers in his hands. The tears start again, and I'm afraid they will never stop.

"It's not fair of you to ask me to stay, when she is gone." I choke out.

He walks forward, sitting on his knees next to the bed, taking my hand in his.

"Then you won't mind if I come with you?"

His words make me dizzy. "No, you have so much to live for, Peeta."

"You're all I have to live for." He whispers

I feel his eyes on me, and I fight it as long as I can, but eventually my eyes meet his, and I'm taken back to the night we shared on the train. I feel my skin tingle in all the places he's touched me. All the places he's kissed me. I had never felt so full, and complete.

"I will never be complete again." I whisper. "You should leave, Peeta. I'm not worthy of the love you have for me, I'm broken and I will never be fixed."

He stands, moving his fingers underneath my chin, gently pushing up. Another tear falls from my eye.

"Do you love me, Katniss?"

I close my eyes, my bottom lip trembling. _Peeta, please. I can't go on._

"Open your eyes, and answer my question."

I take a deep breath before I open my eyes.

"Always." I whisper, the word barely out of my mouth when his lips meet mine. When our lips finally break apart, I am breathless. A familiar pull in my stomach.

"As long as you love me, I will be right by your side, Katniss." He says firmly, before leaving the room.

Just as he exits, the nurse enters a wide smile on her face. I blush a deep red.

"Don't be embarrassed honey. I only heard, didn't see a thing." She says with a wink as she wraps a fresh bandage around my forearm. When she's finishes, she turns to walk out but freezes half way out the door, turning to me once again.

"That kind of love is rare. You'd do good to hold on to it tight, not everyone finds it." She says before walking out of the door."

Everything comes back to me in dreams. First it was Prim dying, then it was Finnick dying. Boggs. I often wake up screaming for them, and the only one who can calm me is Peeta. More comes back to me. How Peeta pulled away from the horde of infected, pulled me into the Presidents compound and kept me safe until reinforcements came.

It's been 3 weeks, and I have not left this room since Peeta first brought me in here. Only to go across the hall and shower. Today we leave, and go back to District 13. The doctors have agreed my mental health is finally stable enough to make the trip back.

I feel nauseous at the thought of leaving this room. It's safe here. The only people I have to see are Peeta and my nurse Susan that I've grown quite fond of.

A knock on the door pulls me from my thoughts. I grin as I walk to the door, pulling it open. I can't help but as gasp as my eyes focus on him. Peeta in a suit, that hugs him in just the right places.

"You clean up well." I say in awe.

"You're one to speak. You look beautiful, Katniss."

I blush at his words, and look down at my dress. It is beautiful. My favorite color, a soft green. Like the leaves in the woods by my house.

"Are you ready?"

I take a deep breath, before slipping my arm under his, letting him lead the way. We walk down hall after hall and I'm starting to think we're lost when we approach two large doors, which stand at least 30 feet high. I hear the roar of a crowd beyond them, and my stomach stirs as tension fills my body. Peeta glances at me once more, and I give him a slight nod and with that, he pulls the door open, and I'm overwhelmed by the flashes and screams that come from in front of us.

I tighten my grip on his arm, as we step out onto the balcony and take in the sight of thousands of people below us. I'm searching the crowd, and it takes me a moment to realize who I'm searching for. _Prim_. I quickly blink the tears that threaten to spill on to my cheek away. Peeta begins talking, and I zone out as I look down my eyes going to the exact spot I last saw Prim alive. Her beautiful golden hair shining in the sunlight, for the last time.

I feel a slight nudge on my arm, and I look up alarmed at Peeta. He bows, and I follow his lead, and bow my head quickly, before we turn around walking back into the compound. I hear a familiar click-clack of heels coming down the hallway, and I suck in a breath as my eyes find Effie. I run forward, embracing her tightly.

"Effie, what are you doing here?"

"The war is over, and President Coin told me you guys were making your first public appearance, I would not let you walk out there in those drab District 13 uniforms, not my victors. Where did you think that gorgeous dress came from? Certainly bread boy here didn't make it himself" she says winking at Peeta with a grin.

I give her a small smile, and I'm surprised when she pulls me back into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry for your loss." She whispers.

I tense immediately and when she releases me I move closer to Peeta's side. He seems to sense my discomfort and puts his arm around my shoulder.

"Our train back to District 13 leaves in half an hour, we should get changed and head out." He says, dismissing Effie, and pulling me forward towards our room.

As we enter the room, I sigh as I feel any slight happiness I felt exit my body. I walk over to the bed, flopping down on it burying my face into a pillow. I flinch as I feel a hand on my lower back, and I turn over and look at Peeta, a small sad smile on his face.

"It will take time." He whispers.

"It feels like all the time I have left on this earth will never be enough. This pain will never go away."

"I never said it would go away, I said it will dull. It will become bearable, you will be able to breathe and not be so overwhelmed at the simplest thoughts, like eating, sleeping, and even breathing."

I push my hands against his cheek, stroking softly. "You're very wise, for a young man."

He chuckles softly. "War does that to you. Now get up, we have a train to catch."

I sigh pulling myself from off of the bed, slipping my dress off. I feel his eyes on me and I blush deeply, shying away from him. Quickly I pull a t-shirt over my head. I hear his footsteps and within seconds he is behind me, pressed against me.

"Don't hide from me." He says, as he spins me around.

Our eyes meet, and I feel at ease. A couple months ago the only time I felt at ease was when I was deep in the woods, stalking whatever animal that happened to come across my path that day. Susan's words come back to me. _Love like that is rare to find._ I see the truth to that.

We stand there for a while, studying each other's faces, leaving trails of soft kisses on every inch of visible skin. A loud ring causes us both to jump, and he groans as he walks over to the phone, reluctantly picking it up. After a few seconds of talking, he sets the phone down sighing.

"Time to go."

I nod, extending my hand out to him, and I feel butterflies as he takes it in his, and we begin to walk.

We stand in a circle in the dining compartment, everyone with a glass of Champaign in their hands. Cressida steps forward raising her glass in the air, clearing her throat.

"Katniss, Peeta, Gale, Pollux. Five of us, that's half of what we started with that made it back. Because of the 5 other people, and countless others that were apart of different squads, we get to go back to District 13 and start a whole new life. There are no words to express how much we all miss everyone we lost. All we can do is think of the future, and all the lives we have gained in the long run. How many kids won't die due to poverty again. How many of us won't be enslaved, only to be killed once we reach an age where can no longer do hard labor. Here is to the future."

We all raise our glasses, and I once again fight the tears that ache for release. A future that Prim was meant to have. One filled with happiness, and children, a husband. Or even a wife. Maybe she would be a doctor and live her life happily single. The thought of the future she will never have makes my body weak, I walk over to a chair plopping down onto it. Peeta walks over, sitting down in the chair next to me resting his hand on my thigh squeezing ever so lightly.

"You okay?"

I think about the question for a moment, as my mind swims with thoughts of Prim. I'm about to say no, when I finally look at him, his bright blue eyes and his strong jaw line. Girls must swoon any time he looks at them, he's a master piece. The reply comes out before it registers in my mind.

"I will be." And for a second, I think of it as a betrayal to Prim. Why do I deserve to continue to live, and she didn't? But then I think of what she would say, and I know she would tell me to live, live for everyone who didn't make it.

So I lean forward, pressing my lips gently against Peeta's, and I know any and every moment I spend with him, I will be the most alive I've ever been.


	17. Chapter 17

We stumble back to our room in a fit of giggles as we attempt to open the door. I'm about to give up, when Gale walks up behind us, pausing as he assess the situation. I give him a crooked grin and he chuckles, as he takes the room key from my hand, pushing it into the slot, and pulling it back out quickly holding the door open for us. Peeta stumbles forward, walking over to the bed and flopping face down on it.

I turn to Gale and suddenly the room is spinning. I stumble to the side, grabbing onto Gale's arm for support. He grips my other arm, leading me towards the small table, sitting me down.

"Do you want me to make some tea?"

"Yes please." I reply with another smile.

He moves to the small kitchen set across the room, and hurriedly makes tea. A few minutes later he sets down a cup in front of me, and I coo as I take a sip, allowing it to warm my body.

"Thank you."

He nods, standing awkwardly across from me, pushing his hands into his pockets.

"I'm okay, if you want to go now you can." I say, not meeting his eyes.

He stands there for a few seconds before turning, and walking over to the door. He begins to turn the knob, but freezes before facing me again.

"You guys look good together. You're meant for each other." He says quietly.

Between the alcohol in my system and his kind words, I am overwhelmed with happiness and I walk forward, wrapping my arms tightly around him. For a second it's foreign, but then it becomes more familiar and he eases and ends up wrapping his arms around me as well. I hear a stir in the bed and I turn my head around, a big smile on my face.

I expected to be met with a smile just as big, seeing as how drunk he still probably is. But I am very wrong. I can no longer see the blue of his eyes, and only black. I feel a pit in my stomach. Tracker jacker venom has taken over him. I feel someone shake my arm, and I look over and see Gale. S _hit. I forgot he was here._

"What's wrong with him"?

"Nothing, he's just tired." I reply quickly, pushing Gale towards the door.

He's half way out the door when Peeta begins talking, no, spitting words at me.

"You get me drunk, so I pass out and then you invite him over to what? Fuck him in the same room while I sleep? You mutt."

Gale's eyebrows crease, and he pushes the door back open, and past me looking directly at Peeta questioningly. He glances back and forth between us for a second, and then a flash of registration crosses his face.

"Is he?"

"Having an episode? Yes." I reply, pulling Gale back into the room and shutting the door quickly.

I slowly creep over to Peeta as he begins thrashing on the bed. Pained screams escaping him.

"Gale. I need two things from you. Firstly, when you leave here tonight you will tell no one of this. No one can know he still has episodes, they'll want to hospitalize him, and he can't go through that again. Secondly, I need you to hold him down while I try to calm him."

Gale stands there, clearly stunned by my words. Annoyance creeps in, as Peeta continues to suffer and Gale continues to just stand there.

"You either hold him down, now, or get out of my room."

The words finally get through to him, and he walks forward, wrapping his hands around Peeta's wrists and pushing them over his head. I look to Gale apologetically before I straddle Peeta, sitting back putting all my weight on his legs as he continues to thrash. I press my hand against his cheek.

"Peeta, it's not real. Whatever you're seeing is not real, please come back to me. I'm waiting for you, always."

His breathing grows faster as he hears my voice, but I continue talking.

"Don't leave me Peeta, fight it." I whisper into his ear.

The thrashing becomes more violent, and his breathing grows more ragged. I tighten my legs at his sides, holding him in place as he bucks his hips up in an attempt to throw me off of him. Somehow Gale loses his grip on one of his arms, and Peeta's fist swings from the side, hitting me directly in the ear and with such force that I am knocked off not only him, but the bed. Panic sets in as he is now loose, and I begin to crawl towards the door, but someone grabs on to my ankle, and I turn back to see Peeta holding on to me for dear life, and Gale attempting to free me from his grip.

"Peeta, please. Come back to me." I plead as his fingers dig into my ankle.

"Katniss?" I hear his voice, and feel his hand disappear from my ankle.

I let out a cry of relief and crawl over to Peeta, laying his head in my lap. I look down at him, and I see the beautiful blue returning to his eyes. It takes a bit of coaxing, but slowly he comes back.

"You love me, real or not real?" he whispers.

"Very real." I reply, and he sits up pulling me against him tightly, as he buries his face in my neck.

I take a deep breath, wrapping my arms around his neck, embracing him protectively. A deep voice startles me, and my eyes land on Gale.

"I'm going to be on my way." He says, before walking out of the room.

The old me would have chased him out of the room, apologized he had to see that. But there is no where I'd rather be right now, then in Peeta's arms.

* * *

I feel a firm grip on my arm and a slight shake pulling me from my sleep. My sleepy eyes finding Peeta, who stares at me with his bright blue eyes, in what looks like awe. A faint smile across his lips as he begins to drag his finger along the bridge of my nose, down to my full lips, tracing them ever so lightly.

"You're a work of art." He whispers, and I can't help but grin.

"A work of art? Funny you say that, just yesterday I was thinking to myself how you're a master piece."

He gives me a smile that does not move to his eyes, and I see him take a deep breath, a look of fear across his face. I feel panic swirling in my stomach, ready to burst through me.

"Peeta? What is it?"

It pulls him from his deep thought, and he rests his hand on my cheek. "Nothing, everyone is okay. For now."

I sit up as my heart beat quickens. _For now?_

"What do you mean for now? What's going to happen?"

"Katniss last night, If Gale wouldn't have been here I could have seriously hurt you, even killed you."

I move my hands to each of his cheeks, pulling his head up and looking directly into his eyes. "You didn't, and you won't. I love you, Peeta."

Tears spill from his eyes, and tug at my heart. I move my lips against his cheek, stopping a tear with my kiss.

"I've longed to hear you say those words for so long." He whispers.

* * *

As our train slows in front of District 12 my heart speeds up. The last time I was here everything was obliterated. My childhood home, _Prims childhood home._ I will never see it again, and a part of me is grateful for that. I don't know if my heart could bare it.

Peeta comes to my side, pulling me into a tight embrace. "We have twenty minutes to look around, then we go to District 13."

"How long do we have to be there for?"

"Just until President Snow is executed, attend the celebration and then we're free to come home."

I feel a stir in my stomach at the thought of finally being able to be normal. Go on dates with Peeta. I smile brightly up at him as I intertwine our fingers and walk off the train, pulling him with me.

Everything is different, more elegant. Coin wasn't lying when she said there would be big changes. It looks like the capitol, only less extravagant and smaller. It will take some time getting used to it.

Peeta walks forward, this time pulling me.

"Where are we going?"

"Coin has a surprise for us."

I'm momentarily confused as to why she'd do something so, _kind._ Less than a month ago she had a plan that ended with my death. So this act of kindness has me on my toes.

My mouth opens as we walk down the last road in District 12. 6 big houses stand in front of us, 3 on the right and 3 on the left.

"Are they all ours?" I ask warily.

Peeta chuckles shaking his head. "The middle one on the right side is yours, the one on the left of it is Haymitch's and mine is the one across. The two by me are for Annie and Johanna and the one on the right is for Pollux and Cressida if they choose to stay here."

I look at my house in awe, imagining how excited Prim would be to have her own room. Tears fill my eyes, and Peeta squeezes my hand lightly.

"Would you like to go inside?" he asks gently.

I nod and slowly walk forward towards _my_ home.

A sense of calm washes over me as I breathe in. So familiar. I turn to Peeta questioningly and he holds a small device in his hand.

"Scent is set to "nature." he says setting the device back down on to the small table by the door.

I look into the living room and see two black couches along with a matching chair and coffee table.

"Who designed this place? Couldn't have been Effie, she would have done it all extravagant, and capitol looking."

He laughs softly, bowing slightly. "Yours truly."

 _Of course he did_.

"It's perfect."

I move towards him, pressing my lips to his. A small sigh escapes my lips as he picks me up, pinning me against the wall. I push my fingers through his soft blonde curls, tightening my legs around his waist. I become a mess of hard breaths and soft moans when an unfamiliar voice fills my ear, making me jump.

"This is Train 302's central command, letting you know you have 10 minutes, also that your mics are on."

My face burns up and I imagine is bright red, causing Peeta to laugh even harder. I lightly smack his arm, before pulling the earpiece out.

"I want to show you something before we head back to the train."

I nod following him into the hallway and up the stairs. We approach what I assume is the master bedroom given the two unnecessarily tall doors.

"Close your eyes." Peeta says, looking at me nervously.

I abide, keeping them tightly shut, fighting the urge to peak as he pushes the doors open. His hand finds my arm, pulling me inside, and I hear him shuffling around, moving stuff. It feels like ages, but finally he allows me to open my eyes. And when I do, _wow._

I stand in complete silence as I look at the walls around us, and how detailed they are. They look just the woods I ran through almost every day with my father. They're magnificent to say the least. Tears puddle in my eyes, as nostalgia runs through me and images of my father chasing me through these exact woods flash through my mind.

"Who painted these?" I ask, thinking I already know the answer.

"Cressida took some pictures of the woods while you were here and sent them over, I painted as close to a replica of them as possible, and sent them to her. Capitol technology allowed her to somehow get them on the walls."

Tears begin spilling on to my cheeks, covering them. Peeta approaches me warily and I laugh to myself.

"They're happy tears, Peeta."

He lets out a sigh of what I can guess is release, and plants a small kiss on my cheek.

"I don't know what to say other than thank you." He nods and intertwines my fingers with his once again.

"Time to go."


	18. Chapter 18

As we exit the elevator, officially entering District 13 I feel dread knowing I will have to see my mom. See her blonde hair that is exactly like Prim's. Look into her blue eyes, that Prim also got from our mother. I wonder if she's relapsed. District 13 is strict about no drugs or alcohol, but I know my mom and she will do just about anything to get her hands on some. I wouldn't blame her this time, a part of me gets it now that Prim is gone.

I walk as close as possible to Peeta. The sooner we can get back to our District the better. Snow is somewhere in here, and I swear I can smell roses and blood. Peeta looks worried and I shake my head assuring him I'm okay.

"Can we sleep in your room?" I whisper to Peeta and he nods.

As we walk into his room, I jump when I turn the lights on and see 5 figures standing in front of us, holding a banner in front of them that reads "Welcome home!"

Peeta smiles brightly, but I can't help but be somewhat offended. How can they think this is a warm welcome home? When only half of us made it back? When we came back to less people? Peeta's smile fades as his eyes find mine, and his shoulders slump some. I look down at my feet and head for the bathroom.

I hear whispers behind me.

"Is she okay?"

"We just got back from war, Mrs. Everdeen. It will be awhile."

I quietly shut the door, and sink to the floor pulling my legs tightly to my chest, taking deep breaths. _Get it together Katniss, it's not their fault you went to war. Not their fault people died, they're just trying to make you feel better._ I give myself five minutes, to cry, to miss Prim, to be angry she's gone. Then I pull myself off the ground, and walk back into the kitchen, a smile on my face as I pull each and every person into a tight embrace.

I sit next to Johanna eating my favorite, lamb stew. She leans over, whispering into my ear.

"You look different, did you and bread boy finally get it on?"

I choke on the food in my mouth, my face turning bright red at her words. Once I've cleared my throat I find everyone's eyes are on me, Johanna begins snickering next to me and I shoot her a stern look.

"So that answers my question."

Her grin is contagious and I can't help but laugh as well.

As everyone stars leaving I begin picking up. I'm starting the dishes when my mother walks over to me, picking up a dish towel.

"You wash, I'll dry." She says with a small smile.

I nod, and begin scrubbing the plate in my hand.

"I missed you, Katniss."

I look at her, and for the first time in a long time, I see a mother.

* * *

I'm staring at the reflection in the mirror, and I can't believe it's me. My hair is pulled into its usual braid, but with this dress I'm wearing it looks elegant, rather than messy. When Effie first showed me this dress, I was taken back at how revealing it is. A long slit runs up my right leg, stopping at my hip. The dress is jet black, and the top half sticks to my body tightly. My makeup is dark, and fierce.

I look like I belong in the capitol, and the thought makes me sick. I will never belong there. Coins has been pushing Peeta and I to live there, but neither of us could bare it. We'd be stuck in the same loop forever. Peeta having episodes, and myself as well. I would relive Prim's death in my head every day. That's is exactly what Coin wants.

So we refused. We told Coin we belong in District 12, and out of the spot light, which we do. I never wanted to be rich, or famous but that came with being the face of the rebellion.

A soft knock on the door startles me and I walk over to it, slowly pulling it open. I suck in a breath as I take him in. Peeta stands before me in a matching jet black suit that fits him perfectly. It is tight around his broad shoulders, and biceps and I find myself biting my lip. He's wearing his charming smile, the twinkle in his eyes might be my undoing.

"You're the most beautiful girl to ever live." He whispers.

Between him looking so handsome, and his compliments I am overwhelmed with affection.

"I love you, Peeta Mellark."

His eyes widen at my words, like they're the first time he's hearing them. Like they hold some kind of magic.

"I've always loved you, Katniss Everdeen."

I shorten the distance between us, and press my lips against his. Our kiss starts of slow and loving, but it turns into quick, and desperate. I'm about to pull his suit jacket off of him, when a loud ring fills my ears. I hear him groan as he pulls away and pulls his phone out of his pocket.

"Time for Snow's execution. After tonight, we don't ever have to be interrupted again."

I giggle, and link my arm with his as we slowly make our way out of the room, and to the main hall.

Everyone is smiling, drinking, and laughing. I would be too, if I wasn't the one who was going to be killing Snow.

Peeta is an amazing dancer, and I watch as him and Johanna move all around the dance floor.

When the dance ends, the room grows quiet and I see a spot light set on the podium above us. Coin steps out, and that's my que to get upstairs. I quickly walk up the stairs, and as I reach the top my heart stops as I am face to face with Snow.

I smell blood on his breath as he smiles at me. Images pop up in my head, of Peeta on the bed, thrashing and screaming in pain. Prim, as an infected bites into her throat, her gasps for breath, only coming up with more blood. Choking on it, dying.

Killing him will be much easier than I anticipated. I'm about to turn to where Coin stands and listen to the end of her speech when he begins talking.

"You blame me for Prim's death."

I look at him with disgust.

"You say that like you're innocent, like didn't make that order yourself."

"I assure you, I didn't, Ms. Everdeen. You know me, I like to claim my work, and this is not mine."

His words repeat in my head over and over. As much as I hate this man for everything he's done with all of my being, he is no liar. In fact he would probably love to take credit for her death. I look to him, and he knows he's gotten to me.

"If you didn't, then who?"

He grins, and begins laughing a whole hearted laugh. "Why, Panems savior herself, your beautiful new President, Coin."

My eyes move to the back of her heat, and I feel heat rising in my body. It makes perfect sense. Snow leans over whispering in my ear.

"She never had control of Peeta the way I did, she couldn't guarantee he'd kill you, so if she can't kill you then what was the next best thing?"

The words are out of my mouth before he finishes his sentence. "Kill Prim."

"Props to Coin, she's smarter than I thought she was. She broke you."

I feel the meal that I just had rising in the back of my throat. I want to run. I want to be in the woods, where I can escape reality.

A bright light temporarily blinds me and I hear applause from the crowd below.

"Katniss Everdeen herself will be executing Snow." Coin says with a bow, before stepping to the side.

I don't hear the crowd anymore, just a loud ringing in my ear. Someone steps forward, handing me my bow and one all white arrow. It's beautiful, but soon it will be covered in Snows blood.

They push Snow before me and Coin stands just up the steps to his left. I push my arrow into place and pull back the string. I'm about to let it fly, when I am brought back to Prim's face as she died. As monsters tore into her, like she was nothing more than lamb stew.

At the last second, I move my aim to Coin's heart, and I let my arrow fly. Chaos erupts behind me, but all I can hear is the ringing, and Snows wicked laugh. I feel arms around me and I turn to find Peeta, Gale, and Haymitch, standing around me. Bordering me as people are what I assume trying to get to me. I feel a sharp pain in my arm, and my vision blurs as I fall. I keep falling, and falling. Never ending.

My sister's killer is dead. Maybe now I can die too.


	19. Chapter 19

_So tomorrow I will finally be seeing Mockingjay Part 2, waiting all weekend has killed me! I decided to post this a couple days earlier then I had originally planned, enjoy and tell me what you thought of the movie!_

Minutes? Hours? Days? Weeks? Months? Who knows how long it's been since I last had contact with another human.

I bring my hand back, and swing forward slamming it directly into the door. I do this every few hours. A sharp pain shoots up my entire arm as it makes contact with the door, and I wince as I hold my arm tightly against my body.

When I attempt to move my fingers, and find that I can't, I know that it is broken.

I groan as I make my way back towards the bed, laying down on my back. I stare up at the same ceiling. I've memorized every crack, and bump in it.

I must have been dozing off when a loud creak startles me, I let out a gasp as Haymitch stands before me, and run to him throwing my arms around him as quickly as possible.

"Glad you're okay, sweetheart." He says under his breath.

"Peeta?"

He stiffens at my words, and I pull away, crossing my arms across my chest.

"A lot's happened."

I push my eyebrows up in response and he sighs as he begins talking.

"Former Mayor Paylor has been elected into Presidency. Currently, she's making a decision, a big one." He gulps and I feel my heart racing in my chest.

"About what?"

"Your life."

The words hit me like a train, and I curse at myself _. When you put the arrow through Coins heart, you wanted to die. So why now that it is an actual possibility do I feel frightened? Why now do I want to live?_

The answer comes forward in my mind. Beautiful blue eyes, staring directly into mine. Making me feel so naked, and vulnerable. Like he knows my every thought, and maybe he does.

"And what of Peeta? They have to know he had nothing to do with this, none of you did."

"There are people who didn't support Coin, and they're fighting for you to be let go on temporary insanity. That you never should have even been given a weapon after everything that you went through in the capitol."

I look down at my feet, and feel guilt creeping in.

"Some say you didn't even know you were killing Coin, that maybe you were just in a flashback. Is that true, Katniss?"

My hands begins shaking and I grip tightly onto my hospital gown, as tears blur my vision, I look up at him.

"I meant to kill her."

He sighs, his shoulders dropping some, before he steps forward and pulls me back into his embrace.

"I've been here too long, I have to go. When they come to ask you, tell them you were in a flashback, that you didn't know you had killed Coin until I came and told you so. Peeta lost it after they took you, he was trying to see you, and eventually he went into an episode no one could calm him down from. He's somewhere in this wing locked up just like you, we're going to get you both out. Okay?" he whispers into my ear.

I squeeze his arm in response, and just like that he is gone.

I turn back to the bed, and I see the camera in the corner of the room moving ever so slightly. " _You didn't know you had killed coin until I told you."_

I crawl into the bed, pulling my knees to my chest. I begin rocking, and move my shoulders so it appears like I am crying.

I must get out of here, and I must get to Peeta.

* * *

 _I'm running through the woods, my heart hammering in my chest. I hear her. Her pained screams. I yell out her name, Prim! No answer, just louder screams. I'm getting closer, she's just past those bushes. I run forward, clawing past them._ When I'm past them I find myself in a quiet, white room.

Haymitch and Johanna stand next to me, each holding one of my arms down. Haymitch has a scratch on his face that looks fresh. I look down at my hand and I feel guilt wash over me.

"Haymitch, I'm so sorry."

"Don't sweat it sweetheart, I'll survive."

"What are you guys doing here?"

"I came to get you washed up, you reek." Johanna says.

"Washed up for what?"

Haymitch gives me a sad look. "Your sentencing."

Slowly I sit up, and swing my feet off of the bed, letting them dangle off.

"Okay, well I'll be going now. Make sure she looks presentable, Johanna."

She nods to him, and he turns around, and walks out of the room.

I look at Johanna, and give her a small smile. She returns it, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. I sit still as she begins scrubbing underneath my nails, I wince as she takes my broken hand into hers, and she pulls supplies from her bag, and quickly bandages my hand. Then she brushes out my hair. When she's done clipping my nails, she stands, pulling me with her.

I feel uneasy as we approach the door, and I freeze as she pulls it open and walks through it. When she keeps walking, and finds I don't follow she turns around, giving me a look of annoyance.

"Let's go, brainless."

"I-Am I allowed to leave?"

"Uh, ya."

I gulp, as I take a step, crossing the threshold. The tile floor is cold under my feet, and nothing around me looks familiar. A bang on a door a few feet away startles me, and I slowly creep over to it. I'm almost to the small window in the middle of the door, when I feel a hand wrap around my forearm and yank me away.

"We can't be late for your own sentencing, let's go."

I coo as warm water runs down my body, and covers my face. I begin scrubbing hard at my skin, and hair. Who knew you could miss something as simple as showering so much. I wrap a towel around myself and ring out my hair before I step out of the shower.

Johanna stands waiting for me, a brush and a small kit in hand.

"Sit." She says, pointing to the chair that sits in front of the mirror.

Over the length of an hour, she brushes out my hair, and without asking put sit into a messy braid. She plucks my eyebrows, applies a soft eyeliner on me, and begins painting my nails. I groan at the color in her hands.

"Pink? Really?"

She looks up at me, and laughs lightly, shaking her head. "You need to seem as innocent as possible. So if your hair is in a braid, and you have pink nail polish, you look kid-ish. Not like someone who would kill the President of Panem without a second thought."

I nod my head. I understand completely, but I feel a wave of sadness wash over me. All of these people are fighting to prove a guilty person innocent. I don't deserve to be let free. I deserve to die, in all honesty.

When my nails are dry, she hands me a cream colored dress. It's knee length, and has two skinny straps. I quickly pull it on, and look into the mirror. My features looks soft, between the cream dress, and light blush she has put on my cheeks.

I feel Johanna's hand on my shoulder. I look to her in the mirror and she gives me her best attempt at a grin.

"At least if you're sentenced to death, you'll die pretty."

I let out a whole hearted laugh. A lot of people would have cringed at the joke, or scolded her for being so cruel. But right now, I couldn't think of anything better to be said.

* * *

I hear the large crowd in the main hall, as I approach it. I clutch onto Haymitch's arm and he gives me a reassuring pat. As we walk into the room, the hundreds of people fall quiet at once. All I can hear is the pounding in my chest. President Paylor sits at a table at the front of the crowd. Haymitch begins walking, and I must be too, because I find myself a mere 10 feet away from Paylor.

"Katniss Everdeen."

"President Paylor." I reply.

She stands, walking in front of the table, sitting half away on it.

"Let's cut to the chase. A lot of people in Panem wish to see you hang for your crime. A few claim you're but a girl, that you're innocent and you just went through war. That you weren't fit to execute Snow, and it was no one's fault but Coin herself for ordering you to do so. What do you claim?"

Haymitch clears his throat, and he's about to begin talking when Paylor shoots him a look, cutting him off.

"I wish to hear from Katniss. Not you."

His jaw tenses, and he glances towards me, giving me a small nudge in the side. I take a step forward, and the guards on either side of Paylor raise their guns, aiming directly at my heart.

"Stand down." She says as she waves her hand in the air. They obey.

When I aimed at Coin, it was not Coin I saw, but the infected that were tearing into my baby sister Prim. I saw the one who first bit into her. Directly into her throat, ripping the flesh from it. I wanted the infected dead, so I let my arrow fly.

Paylor looks at me, and her eyes narrow. I feel like I'm going to faint, as I wait for her reply. She glances around looking at the crowd.

"Innocent."

Just like that? Does she really believe I am innocent, or is this some cruel joke?

Before she has time to say anything else, chaos breaks out behind me. People begin screaming. Some saying kill her, some crying, and some clapping. For a moment, everyone is just yelling, nothing more. Then someone throws a punch, and all hell breaks loose. Guards run forward, surrounding me and Haymitch, as well as President Paylor. They direct us to the back exit and we hurriedly run towards it. When we're out and the door seals shut behind us I left out a huff of breath.

I look to Paylor and tears fill my eyes. "Thank you."

"I know you killed Coin, on purpose."

My heart stops in my chest, and I begin backing up into the corner of the small room. When her hands fly up I flinch, but when I feel no impact I open my eyes again and find her with them in the air.

"I know but I don't care, Katniss. I never wanted Coin to be president. I knew she wanted you dead. I knew she was the one who set up your sister, and all those innocent people to be killed."

I let out a sigh of relief, leaning back against the wall and slowly sliding down to the ground.

"When the officers out there get everything calmed down I'm going to make an announcement. I can't let you go completely untouched, that would be suspicious. I'm sending you back to District 12 to live out the rest of your days, you and all of your friends. You will not be able to leave the District ever. You will also never go hunting in those woods, or hold another weapon again."

I feel my heart contract at her words. I will never see the woods I shared with my father again? I'm about to argue. Instead I let out a sigh, and thank her. I am lucky that she even let me live.


	20. Chapter 20

_Sorry on how late this is, I couldn't write after I saw Mockingjay Part 2, I couldn't believe it was really over, but here you go! Also incoming smut._

My heart flutters in my chest as I approach my new home. Haymitch stands at my side and gives me a small smile before I walk up the steps, and pull open my door. I practically jump out of my skin as the lights come on, and people pop out from every corner.

My mother, Johanna, Annie, Cressida, Effie, Madge and Gale stand before me. I take note of Gale's arm around Madge's lower back and I find myself smiling. I'm glad he's found someone. Maybe she makes him a better person, as does Peeta me.

That's when my heart sinks some. _Where is he?_

Haymitch notices my disappointment before leaning over and whispering into my ear.

"He arrives tomorrow, the doctors wanted to keep him just one extra night before they let him go."

I nod and smile at everyone standing before me. Throughout the night I manage to mingle with everyone. I didn't realize how much I ached to have conversations with my friends as well. My mother, Gale and Madge are first to leave. They're all staying at a nearby hotel. I learned him and Madge plan on moving to District 8. My mother being a healer, said she would like to travel and help as many of the injured as she can. I'm kind of relieved, I don't think I could bare seeing her every day.

Annie's baby bump is much larger, and she looks as if she's going to go into labor any day now.

I notice Haymitch and Effie slip away together, and I give Johanna a look. She replies with an inappropriate gesture and I find myself laughing.

Eventually it becomes dark out, and everyone else begins excusing themselves, and I'm left with just myself.

I take this time to finally explore my own house, and it is incredible. My only complaint is, is its too big for one person. It's meant for a family, and that is something I will never have again.

Slowly I make my way to the bedroom, and crawl under the covers. The silence that covers my house like a blanket is deafening. I long to hear Peeta's even soft breaths next to me. To feel the warmth of his body. _One more night._ I repeat this to myself over and over, until I fall asleep.

* * *

I awake to a sweet smell, and a series of strange noises coming from downstairs. Instinctively I think of my bow, but then I remember I will never hold it in my hand again. Instead I pick up the lamp on the night stand and slowly creep towards the stairs. I manage to make it all the way around down the stairs without making any noise.

 _Who is in my house? Only Haymitch has a key and there is no way he's up right now._

Finally I step around the corner and I have the lamp up in the air ready to swing, when my eyes find the figure at the stove.

"Peeta?" I say, breathlessly.

I watch his body freeze in place, before he turns around. For what feels like an eternity we stand there looking at each other.

"I missed you so-"

My words are cut off when he strides forward, and presses his lips roughly against mine. My heart pounds loudly in my chest, and I feel my body begin to come to life. I push my fingers through his soft blonde hair and sigh into his mouth as he presses me against the wall.

We're lost in our kiss, when a loud beep starts going off. Peeta pulls away and turns to the stove, and I begin laughing as I see smoke arising from the pan. Pulling himself from me, he curses under his breath and pulls the pan off of the burner, flipping the stove off.

He turns to me with a grin from ear to ear, showing me the pancake from the pan, which is charcoal black.

"Hungry?"

I grin back before replying. "Yes, but not for food."

I feel butterflies in my stomach as his lip twitches upwards at my words. In one swift move he sets the pan in the sink, and stalks towards me, lifting me off my feet and throwing me over his shoulder. I let out a shriek, and swat his butt as he begins walking up the stairs with me.

"Peeta, if you drop me I will never forgive you." I say through a fit of laughter.

Finally we reach my room and he gently lays me down on the bed before him. I take in the sight before me, and I find myself breathless again. The light shining through the window makes his blonde curls shine brightly, and his eyes are lit up.

"I wish you could see what I see."

"I like my view too." He says with a shy smile.

I ache to feel his lips on me again. I sit up some, pulling him down against me. For a while I'm content with just kissing, but eventually my desires grow. Slowly I push my fingers under his shirt, and begin pulling it up until it's under his arms. He breaks the kiss and pushes his arms into the air, allowing me to strip it the rest of the way off. His blue eyes pierce mine as he looks down at me. I blush as they move over my entire body.

I feel his hands wrap around my knees first, then they begin sliding up, so slowly it hurts. When they reach my hips, he gives a light squeeze and I let out a small sigh. When his fingers push under my shirt, my back arches uncontrollably, causing him to chuckle.

Finally, his hands are at my breasts and his eyes widen as he finds I'm wearing no bra. He draws small circles around my nipples, until they are hard. I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him tightly against my center, and I hear him let out a soft gasp. I practically come undone when I feel him harden against me.

"Peeta, please."

He leans forward, leaving a small kiss against my neck, before he pulls my shirt off completely. I expected him to discard the shirt but instead he moves my hands above my head and uses the shirt to tie my wrists together. I blush as he stands back, and takes in the sight of me like this. I press my thighs tightly together in hopes of some relief but he quickly pushes them back apart with his knee.

"Keep them apart." He says, in a husky stern voice I've never heard before.

Instead of fighting it, I find myself nodding to his words. _What is happening?_

His hands at my waist again pull me from my own thoughts, and slowly he drags my pants down, pulling my panties off with them. He sucks in a breath as his eyes stare at my center. I blush as I feel my own wetness drip down my inner thigh. Slowly his eyes come back to my face, and he pushes his hand against my check, stroking it softly, before he pushes two of his fingers into my mouth. I moan against them, as I wrap my lips tightly around them, sucking very lightly.

When he pulls them back out, he slowly drags them down my body until they're at my center. I bite my lip as he pushes my folds apart, pressing his finger directly against my clit. How slowly he rubs begins driving me nuts. I'm about to beg for more, when he plunges his fingers into me. I let out a cry of pleasure as he works his fingers in and out of me at a quick pace. As he continues with his fingers, he presses his thumb against my clit, rubbing just as quickly.

I'm moaning out his name over and over as I feel a familiar warmth start at my feet and work its way up, and through my entire body, I throw my head back as I release, my whole body trembling. His thumb rubs harder as I ride out my orgasm, and when all I can do is lay there, he leans forward, leaving a warm kiss on my lips.

I watch him as he pushes his pants and boxers down kicking them to the side. Stepping towards me, I feel the tip of him against my entrance, and I push my hips down in an attempt to get him inside me. Our eyes meet, and I think I could lose myself in them forever. Slowly he pushes himself inside me, and I tightly wrap my legs around his waist.

"I love you, Peeta."

His words have the affect I hoped for and he pulls out quickly, and thrusts back into me roughly. When he pulls out again, I groan when he doesn't push back in. In a quick move, he flips me over so I'm on my stomach. I feel his soft hands on my waist as he pulls my ass into the air, and pushes my legs back apart with his knee.

As he slides back into me, I feel the building in my body begin again. When he starts thrusting again, he does not stop. He is relentless as each time he slams into me, it is harder than the last. I can't stop the moans anymore, and I find myself pushing my hips back to meet every one of his thrusts.

His arm hooks around the front of my body, and goes directly between my legs and to my clit. Between the two sensations I find myself reaching my peak fast. I call out his name one last time, as I go over the edge, my whole body tingling, I feel myself tighten around him.

"Oh god, Katniss."

Before I regain any senses, he flips me over, pushing back into me once more, before he pulls out and finds his release, covering my stomach in his cum.

He collapses onto the bed next to me, and I curl up against him, and together we fall asleep.

* * *

When I awake I'm not sure what time it is. I lay there wondering what exactly woke me up when I hear pounding on the door. Peeta stirs next to me, and groans at the pounding.

"I'll get it."

I'm about to get up when his hand wraps around my wrist.

"I got it." He says with a smile.

I return the smile and lay back. I watch as he wraps the sheet around his waist and walks out of the room. My mind goes back to earlier, and I begin chewing on my lip.

When he doesn't return for a few minutes I get out of bed and move to my closet grabbing my robe. I slip it on as I walk down the stairs. Halfway down I freeze as I take in all the people in our living room. I hear a whistle and my eyes go to the source.

 _Haymitch._

Peeta grins up at me, as he stands amongst them in just a sheet.

"We came to see baker boy over here, and celebrate some more now that everyone's here. Looks like you guys started the celebrating without us. "Johanna says with a snicker.

I feel warmth flood to my cheeks, and I'm sure I'm bright red when everyone else begins laughing. I see my mother's eyes bore holes into Johanna's head.

"Well, since you guys clearly aren't leaving, we're going to go put some actual clothes on." Peeta says, as he walks forward towards me, intertwining our fingers.

I turn back towards the stairs and start climbing up them and try and ignore all the calls behind us.

"Don't keep us waiting too long!" I hear Haymitch call out.

I find myself grinning like a fool. _I was wrong, I do have a family still._


	21. Chapter 21

_Hello readers, I'm back! Sorry for the random hiatus, I hadn't really planned on it but stuff came up and before I knew it, it had been 2 months since I'd written anything. Anyways, I've decided to go for a time jump, enjoy xx_

 **6 months later**

I feel my stomach drop as I approach the long set of wooden stairs. How am I supposed to get down those in _these?_ I sigh bending over to slip off the ridiculous 6 inch heels Johanna insisted I get for tonight.

Tonight we would be attending a brand new night club opening, before the games I had no idea such things had existed until I was in the capitol and saw long lines outside of buildings, young people all dressed up in there obnoxiously bright outfits waiting to get inside. I had asked Haymitch what exactly they were going to do once they got inside, and his explanation was nothing I'd be interested in. Boy was he right. The idea of being cramped against sweaty bodies of people whom I do not know, knowing they knew exactly who I was wasn't my idea of fun.

Johanna had begged and pleaded with me since they had started building it. At first I had brushed her off or simply ignored her, but she made good points. Peeta and I had been in our own bubble for the past 6 months. We were barely getting out of the house once a week, and even then it was just to go down to the local orphanage to make donations, or simply lend a helping hand. Johanna assured me she wasn't trying to guilt me when bringing it up.

"You guys deserve this bubble you're in, don't get me wrong, but you have to socialize with other people too, you'll get bored of each other or feel claustrophobic holed up in that house."

The words had stung to hear, and I began second guessing myself. _Was Peeta getting bored?_

I let out a soft gasp as I felt two familiar strong yet gentle hands slide down my sides, moving over my bare thigh before being lifted off the ground and tossed over his shoulder.

"Peeta, what are you doing?"

I could hear the grin on his face as he replied. "I didn't want you to have to take off those ridiculously hot heels just to walk down the stairs, so I figured I'd carry you."

I swatted at his butt, before falling into a fit of laughter.

"They're called stilettos, and they're as easy to slip on as slippers. So this was unnecessary."

"Maybe I wanted to feel you up." He said lowly as he slid his hand up the back of my leg.

I sucked in a sharp breath as he slowly moved his hand up my inner thigh, stopping at the hem of my dress. When he moved his hand away I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Finally he began walking down the stairs with me in his arms. As we reached the bottom he gently set me down, pressing a light kiss on my forehead.

"Johanna would kill us if we were late." He said with a wink, and opened the door, holding it open for me to walk through it.

"Two can play at that game, Mr. Mellark." I replied, pulling my dress slightly higher up on my thighs, walking forward with grace I had no idea I had, thankful it chose this moment to shine.

* * *

As we approached the long line outside of Desire, I begin heading for the back of the line when I feel Peeta's hand wrap around my forearm pulling me back. I turn to him giving him a questioning look.

"We don't have to wait in line, remember?" he says, lifting his eyebrows.

I nod more to myself than him, and follow him to the guard standing by the door who regards us coolly, before opening the door for us. I attempt a small smile, that I hope doesn't look as forced as it feels. Truthfully I'll never get used to the fact that Peeta and I are still famous.

I always had this hope that our lives would go back to normal, and we could walk around without getting recognized.

Immediately we spot Johanna, Annie, Gale and Madge at a table in the back corner. As we approach I feel a tinge of disappointment when I see Haymitch and Effie aren't here, cursing myself for hoping they were. Haymitch in a club would be horrible for his recovery, 6 months sober was great but not long enough for him to be able to be around alcohol again.

Annie jumps up at the sight of us and pulls us both into a tight hug, and as she breathes out I notice the strong scent of alcohol on her breath.

"You look good, Annie." I say with a sincere smile.

"She does, doesn't she? Considering she just popped out a baby a month ago." Johanna cuts in grinning at Annie as she wraps her hand around her waist, placing a small kiss on her temple.

Peeta lets out a soft chuckle, pulling Johanna into a hug.

"How's Finn?" I ask.

Annie seems to glow and become animated as she talks about him and I feel a swell of sadness overcome my body. Finn, who will never get to know the amazing man who was his father.

"Jo's been so much help too, she's wonderful with him really." I look at Johanna who seems flushed at Annie's kind words and my heart contracts as I look at them.

When they came out to Peeta and I, saying they'd been seeing each other for quite some time I remember I began crying uncontrollably and they kept telling me, "Katniss they we're sorry, if you don't want to accept it, and don't want to be a part of our lives we understand." When I'd finally stopped the tears I quickly shook my head and pulled them both into a tight hug.

"I'm so happy for you guys, I have no words that can explain how happy this makes me." I said through sobs.

"Jeez, when did you become a crier?" Johanna said with a wide smirk on her face.

We sat up all night talking about how it happened. Annie explained how they were each other's sole comfort when Finnick had passed, and it brought them closer and closer, and eventually one thing led to another and well-

Peeta's hand tugging me toward the dance floor caused a slight panic in my chest. I had never danced to this kind of music before, at least not in public. The last time I had danced to pop music I was holding Prim in my arms, listening to her loud laughs fill my ears.

 _You do to me so well, hypnotic taking over me, make me feel like someone else. You've got me talking in my sleep. I don't wanna come back down, I don't wanna touch the ground._

The speakers thumped loudly around me as Peeta pulled me into the middle of the dance floor, moving his hands to my hips taking the lead he began to move against me. A warmth spread throughout my body and I found myself swaying with the music as well, a smile stuck on my face.

What felt like hours later I spot Johanna and Annie wrapped around each other dancing to the right of us, and just saw the back of Gale as he and Madge danced.

When I looked up at Peeta's eyes, they were hooded as he pressed his lips against my ear, his hands sliding down my sides.

"If you keep moving your hips like that, I'm going to throw you over my shoulder and take you home, _right now._ " He said, almost growling the end.

I feel a familiar pull in the lower parts of my body, and slowed down my hip movements, pressing myself harder against him, and was rewarded by a series of curses falling from Peeta's lips.

 _The song playing is called Hypnotic by Zella Day if anyone was wondering! Thanks for reading :)_


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